Common Law Marriage and Cohabitation
The family law solicitors at Evolve Family Law are regularly consulted about common law marriage rights by unmarried partners and former cohabitees. In this article, we look at the myth of common-law marriage.
Contact Evolve Family Law Today for Cohabitation Law Advice.
What is common law marriage?
Legally, there is no such thing as a common-law marriage. Common law marriage is a myth. In English family and property law, common law marriage is not a legally recognised concept.
If you are cohabiting with an unmarried partner, you do not get rights as a cohabitee if you view yourself as being in a common-law marriage with your partner.
An unmarried relationship does not become a common law marriage because of the number of years you have been living together. You do not get common law marriage status whether you have been in a cohabiting relationship for 2 years or 20 years.
Cohabitation rights
If you don’t get cohabitation rights through common-law marriage, how do you get cohabitation rights? Family agreement solicitors say there are ways to get rights as an unmarried partner, but it is best to understand how you can get those rights before you:
Move in with your partner.
Have children together.
Rule out getting married or entering a civil partnership.
Buy a property together.
Make significant property, pension or financial decisions.
Make a Will.
Unfortunately, too many unmarried couples only find out about their cohabitation rights (or lack of them) after they split up with their partner.
Getting rights as an unmarried partner
As an unmarried partner, your cohabitation rights can come from:
Joint property ownership – you can jointly own property either as tenants in common or joint tenants. The way you own property can significantly impact what happens to it if you split up or if one of you passes away. That’s why it is best to take family law legal advice before you jointly buy a property as an unmarried couple.
Sole property ownership – you can claim a share of a property even if it is owned in the name of your partner. A claim can potentially be made under property or trust law if you can show that you have an equitable interest in the property.
A cohabitation agreement or deed of trust – if you reach an agreement with your partner, either at the outset of your relationship or during it, you can set out your agreement and rights in a cohabitation agreement (or deed of trust if the agreement relates solely to a specific property).
If you have dependent children with your unmarried partner, you may also have the right to claim:
Child support through the Child Maintenance Service or through the family court if the Child Maintenance Service does not have jurisdiction, or if the Child Maintenance Service has made a maximum assessment under their child support formula. If the Child Maintenance Service makes a maximum assessment, you can apply to the family court for top-up maintenance.
Lump sum payment to meet a child’s specific needs.
Housing for the child whilst the child is dependent – this type of housing provision ends when the child is age 18 or 21.
School fee payments if your child is being educated privately.
Disability-related extra costs of caring for a child with a disability.
The bottom line is that, however long your unmarried relationship lasted, you do not have the same legal rights as a civil partner, husband, or wife. For example, as an unmarried partner, you cannot claim:
A share of the family business – unless you are a shareholder or a business partner, or you can successfully argue that ownership of all or part of the business was held in trust for you.
A share of your partner’s pension.
Spousal maintenance.
A share of investment portfolios held in your partner’s sole name unless you can argue that the investments were held in trust – something that is very hard to do.
Disputed cohabitation rights
In cases involving unmarried partners, the family court must follow property and trust law to resolve disputes over ownership. If you are married or in a civil partnership, the family court looks at a range of statutory factors to achieve fairness. That’s why in divorce proceedings, the court can exercise a lot more discretion, and there is less likelihood of one partner walking away with nothing after a long relationship.
If you are engaged to marry or married and you do not like the idea of the family court having such a degree of flexibility in divorce financial settlement proceedings, you can either sign a prenuptial agreement or a postnuptial agreement to record how family assets should be split if you separate.
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Cohabitation rights and estate planning
If an unmarried partner dies without making a Will (intestate), the surviving cohabitant has no automatic right to their partner’s estate. The surviving partner could claim a share of the deceased’s estate, but this would involve court proceedings against the deceased’s relatives who inherited the estate under the intestacy rules.
To succeed in a claim, the claimant needs to show that the intestacy rules did not make reasonable financial provisions for them as an unmarried partner. This is why it is vital that if you are in an unmarried relationship, you and your partner make a Will and carry out estate planning.
Protection for you as a cohabitee
Family lawyers understand that financial hardship due to the breakdown of a cohabiting relationship is a realistic possibility. In many cases, the hardship results from property ownership decisions made by the couple during the relationship. If a married couple make the same property ownership decisions during their marriage, the family court has the discretion and power to make orders that it thinks are fair to both husband and wife or both civil partners. In a non-married relationship, a family judge does not have the same degree of flexibility. In cases involving cohabiting couples, the court must divide the property or assets of an unmarried couple based on property and trust law rather than housing or other needs.
The best option for cohabitants concerned about property issues and protection if they split up from their partner is to sign a cohabitation agreement. This document is a form of contract that outlines a couple’s decisions regarding what will happen to their property upon separation. It works like a prenuptial agreement, and if appropriately drafted by a specialist family lawyer, should be upheld by a court. The cohabitation agreement should be accompanied by both cohabitees signing Wills and Lasting Powers of Attorney.
If you need advice on a cohabitation agreement or need legal advice after separating from your cohabitee, Contact Evolve Family Law Today for Cohabitation Law Advice.
Louise Halford
Oct 20, 2025
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6 minute read
How do I Change my Name After Divorce?
Some people want to change their name after their divorce. Others worry that it will mean they have a different surname to their children. In some situations, a woman is told to change their name back to their maiden name because their ex-husband doesn’t want them to continue using his surname.
In this blog, our Northwest divorce solicitors look at the law on changing your name and how to go about it if you decide to do so after your divorce.
For expert divorce advice call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form.
Does your surname automatically revert to your maiden name after divorce?
A woman's surname does not automatically change back to her maiden name upon her divorce. A conscious decision needs to be made.
Our family law solicitors recommend you reflect on whether you want to use a different name than your married name and that you don’t allow yourself to be influenced by the views of your former spouse or family.
If you decide to change your name for a second time back to your married surname you can do so but it involves more paperwork. That’s why we suggest you consider your options rather than rush into a name change. It is also important to get the timing right. For example, you may not want to change your surname before a planned overseas holiday when your passport will be in a different name to your holiday booking or when you are a few days away from completing the sale of the family home.
Changing your name after divorce
Anyone in England can call themselves what they want. There is no property in a name. By that, we mean that if you want to keep your husband's surname after your divorce you are free to do so. There is nothing he can do to stop you. Equally, you can change your first name, your surname or both names or revert to using your maiden name.
How to go about changing your name
You can call yourself what you want but you are likely to need evidence of your change of name. For example, if you want a new passport, to transfer your bank account into your new name or to buy a property.
If you are changing your surname back to your maiden name some institutions will accept your birth certificate, marriage certificate and final divorce order as sufficient evidence. Others may want a formal change of name deed. Our family law solicitors can prepare the change of name deed for you. We will ensure you receive sufficient certified copies so you can use the certified change of name deed with institutions such as banks, building societies, your employer, the DVLA and the passport office.
If you have a Will, you should keep a copy of your change of name deed with your Will and other important documents. When you get divorced you need to update your Will so it is sensible to sign your change of name deed before you sign your new Will. Our private client solicitors can advise you on your Will and your lasting power of attorney.
Registering a change of name deed
You can register your change of name deed but there is no legal requirement or need to do so. An unregistered change of name deed document is referred to as ‘unenrolled’ and a registered one as ‘enrolled.’ Enrolling the deed involves an application to the Royal Courts of Justice and payment of a fee. Your change of name is then a matter of public record.
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Changing a child’s surname
Your decision to change your surname after your divorce may be influenced by whether your child can change their surname. A child can change their surname with the agreement of their parents and anyone else with parental responsibility for the child. If a parent or other person won't agree to the name change an application can be made to the family court for a specific issue order. In a specific issue order application, the judge decides on the child’s surname after considering the child’s best interests.
Where a name change is agreed or the court orders a change of name a parent can sign a change of name deed on behalf of their child.
The fact that a parent is not paying child support or a parent is not having regular contact does not mean that the court will order a name change. The court looks at the application from the perspective of the child and whether a name change would be confusing or beneficial.
Our family law solicitors can advise you on all aspects of parenting your child after a separation or divorce including advice on residence and contact, applying for a child arrangement order or reaching a parenting agreement through solicitor negotiations or in family mediation.
For friendly expert divorce advice call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form.
Louise Halford
Mar 02, 2025
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5 minute read
Do You Need a Will if You Are Married?
Will solicitor, Chris Strogen, is emphatic that you do need a Will if you are married.
In this blog, we explain why you need a Will if you are married and how our Will solicitors at Evolve Family Law can write your Will or advice on whether an existing Will needs changing.
For expert Will and estate planning advice call our team or complete our online enquiry form.
Why do you need a Will if you are married?
Whether you are married or not, if you die without a Will then your assets (called your estate) pass under statutory intestacy rules. Who gets your money and estate depends on whether you are married or in a civil partnership and whether you have children or other extended family.
The intestacy rules are inflexible and they may not reflect your wishes or be tax-efficient. Without a Will, it can be more difficult to administer your estate, especially if you own complicated assets. For example, you are a shareholder in a family business or you are self-employed as a sole trader or own a buy to let property portfolio.
In addition, if the intestacy rules do not meet your family circumstances a qualifying relative may want to challenge the estate distribution and make a claim against the estate. They can do this by alleging that the intestacy rules do not make reasonable financial provision for them.
The intestacy rules if you die without a Will and you are married
The intestacy rules if you die without a Will and you are married depend on whether you have children.
Step-children do not count as your children for this purpose as they are not biologically related to you. That’s the case even if you have always been very close to your step children. Your children from any previous relationships do count even if they are estranged from you or if at the date you pass away, they are financially independent with their own homes and families. Children includes adopted children and the descendants of your biological or adopted children.
If you do not have children your husband, wife or civil partner will inherit your entire estate.
If you do have children your husband, wife or civil partner will inherit:
The first £322,000 of your estate
All your personal possessions
Half the rest of the estate. The remaining half is divided equally between your children
The intestacy rules say that if a child has died before their parent, then the grandchild or the great grandchild of the deceased inherits in their parent’s place.
As the intestacy rules are inflexible an estate claim could be brought. For example, your husband or wife may say that they need more than £322,000 and half the rest of the estate to meet their needs. Alternatively, if you jointly own a family home with your spouse as joint tenants, your surviving husband or wife will end up owning the family home as well as getting the first £322,000 of your estate and half the remainder of the estate. Depending on the size of your estate, that may not leave much for your children to inherit.
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Why writing a Will is a good idea whether you are married or not
Having a Will in place is always a good idea, whatever your personal circumstances.
With a Will you can:
Decide who should administer your estate and distribute the monies. The named people are called your executors. They can be family members, friends, a Will solicitor or a combination. You need at least 2 people to act as your executors
Appoint a testamentary guardian for your children. This is important if you have children under the age of 18
Make gifts of specific assets to people, such as items of jewellery or sentimental family heirlooms
Ensure that your estate is distributed tax efficiently so the estate pays less in inheritance tax. This should mean there is more money left for your beneficiaries
Leave money to a charity of your choice
Say what your preferences are about funeral arrangements
Place money in a trust. This can be helpful where, for example, you have been married previously and have children from different relationships. You may want your current spouse to be able to stay at the family home and have enough to live very comfortably but you may want your estate left in trust so that on your spouse’s death your remaining estate passes to your other trust beneficiaries, such as your children. If money is left outright to your spouse in your Will or under intestacy rules, then on the death of your spouse your monies will form part of their estate and be distributed in accordance with their Will or under intestacy rules. If your spouse remarries then the monies inherited from you may pass to their new husband or wife rather than to your children or grandchildren or to your preferred charity
There are many other reasons why talking to a Will solicitor is a good idea. For example:
To understand what assets form part of your estate. If the family home is owned as joint tenants, it passes straight to the surviving owner and not by your Will. If the house is owned as tenants in common your share of the property passes by your Will or under the intestacy rules. Other assets, such as a pension or life insurance, may not pass by your Will but by nominations. It all depends on how the policy is written
It may be tax efficient to make lifetime gifts as part of your estate planning and IHT strategy
You may want to put in place a Lasting Power of Attorney for yourself and your spouse
You may want to check if your former spouse has a potential claim against your estate and discuss what you can do to protect your current husband or wife or your children from such an estate claim
For expert Will and estate planning advice call our team or complete our online enquiry form.
Chris Strogen
Jan 10, 2024
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6 minute read
Islamic Marriage and Divorce in the UK
If you got married in an Islamic wedding ceremony in the UK or overseas, are you treated as legally married in England? Can you get divorced in the UK?
The divorce solicitors at Evolve Family Law answer your questions on Islamic marriage and divorce in the UK.
For expert family law advice call our team or complete our online enquiry form.
Islamic marriage in the UK
Whether your Nikah is classed as a legal marriage and recognised in English family law depends on where and how the marriage took place.
A Nikah that took place in the UK is not treated as a legal marriage unless there was also a valid UK civil ceremony. If you had a Nikah in the UK without a civil ceremony it is best to check with a family law solicitor to see if you are legally married or not under English law. It is important to check this out and, if necessary, get married legally under UK law. That’s because if you are not legally married under English family law you do not have the financial rights and claims of a husband or wife but of an unmarried partner.
If your Nikah took place overseas you are treated as legally married in the UK provided the country where you got married treats Islamic marriages or Nikahs as legally valid. That means you do not need to have a civil wedding ceremony in the UK as you are already legally married.
Family law solicitors acknowledge that the UK family law on the validity of Islamic marriages can be confusing. The English court does have the power to declare that you are legally married if there is a dispute but it is best to avoid declaration proceedings unless there is no alternative. For example, if your spouse is denying your marriage and your financial claims as a spouse.
Divorce in the UK
If you are legally married and you want to get divorced you can apply for a no-fault divorce. If your wedding was a Nikah under Sharia law and it took place in England without a civil marriage then you won't need to apply for a no-fault divorce as you are not treated in English law as legally married. You may want to get divorced under Sharia law.
If you thought you were married then it may be worth checking out if you can get a declaration of marriage. That is because:
Under Sharia law your financial claims may be limited
In English law, if you are not legally married, your financial claims as an unmarried husband or wife are limited to property rights and claims under trust law. Instead of being able to claim half the assets you may be able to claim nothing or very little in comparison to the sort of financial settlement a husband or wife might expect the family court to order as a financial court order
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The financial claims of an unmarried partner
If your marriage is not legally recognised in the UK, you can potentially make 2 types of claims, depending on whether you have children with your partner.
Under Schedule 1 of the Children Act, you can bring court proceedings for an order to provide your children with a home to live in whilst they are of school age. The ownership of the house will then revert to your partner. You can also ask the court for a lump sum to meet the financial needs of your children and to make a top-up child support order if your partner is a high earner. The Child Maintenance Service may also be able to award you child support.
Whether or not you have children you may be able to make a claim under The Trusts of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act 1996 (TOLATA). You can bring a TOLTA claim if your partner owns a property jointly with you or if they own a property in their sole name but you can evidence that you have what is referred to as a beneficial interest in the property owned by your partner.
Get expert family law legal advice
It is essential that you take expert legal advice on the status of your marriage from specialist family law solicitors. That’s because if your Nikah is a valid marriage (or you can secure a declaration of marriage) you may be able to secure a financial settlement including spousal maintenance, a share in property, savings, a family business or a pension sharing order.
For expert family law advice complete our online enquiry form.
Robin Charrot
Dec 07, 2023
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4 minute read
Are We Married? Why it matters if you are married or not
You would think that people would know if they are married or not. It is however surprisingly common for either a husband or wife to ask the question ‘Are we married?’ Often the query crops up when a couple is separating or contemplating divorce proceedings.
For expert family law advice call our team or complete our online enquiry form.
Are you married?
Most people would think that a quick look at the wedding photo album would be sufficient to answer the question of whether the couple is married or not but that isn’t necessarily right.
One of the first questions for a family solicitor to ask is where the couple got married. If the ‘marriage’ took place in the UK the husband and wife may think that their ceremony of marriage means that they are legally wed. However, if the ceremony didn’t take place at a licensed venue or if the couple didn’t subsequently participate in a civil ceremony of marriage they may not be legally married in the UK.
The scenario isn’t that uncommon as often the focus is on the religious marriage ceremony, which has the real meaning for the couple and their family and friends. That can leave those, for example, who have enjoyed a Muslim religious ceremony of marriage or those who married in a Wiccan ceremony not legally married.
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Marriages in unlicensed venues
Most people won’t be surprised to hear that the law can step in and decide if a couple is married even if they didn’t comply with the UK legal requirements at the time of their marriage ceremony. A husband or wife can ask the court to declare that they are married if certain criteria are met. Invariably if declaration of marriage proceedings are started then either the husband or the wife is arguing that they aren’t legally married. That means there is a risk that the court will decide that the couple is not married.
Why marriage matters
If the court decides the couple isn’t married then there is no need for divorce proceedings. Importantly financial claims on separation will be limited as the husband and the wife won't be able to make claims against the other’s income or pension.
The type of ‘marriage’ ceremony can therefore affect whether a couple is treated as married in the eyes of the law or legally viewed as cohabitees. In some cases that can mean the difference between getting half the house and the pension and maintenance and getting nothing as a cohabitee.
Marriages that take place overseas
If the ‘marriage’ took place abroad there is often an assumption that the couple aren’t legally married in the UK. That is often an incorrect assumption as provided that the marriage was recognised as legally valid in the country in which it took place it is normally accepted in the UK as a marriage. That means that if the couple is settled in the UK they can get divorced in the UK and the English court will decide on how their assets are divided, even though they got married at a chapel in Las Vegas, a beach in the Caribbean, or a religious ceremony in their country of origin or choice.
These rules can throw up surprising results as the quickie marriage in the Las Vegas chapel may be a legally valid marriage in the UK whereas the well-photographed religious ceremony at an unlicensed venue may not be, even if attended by all of the couple’s family and friends.
If you are contemplating marriage then there is no reason why you can’t have the wedding of your choice in either the UK or abroad, but if you are planning a religious ceremony or a wedding at an unusual venue or abroad it is sensible to check the status of the ceremony so both bride and groom know where they stand.
For expert family law advice call our team or complete our online enquiry form.
Louise Halford
Oct 25, 2023
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4 minute read
Is a Prenup a Good Idea?
There is still a bit of wariness about raising the topic of a prenup with a fiancée or signing a prenuptial agreement.
In this blog, our Manchester family solicitors look at whether a prenup is a good idea.
For expert family law advice call our team or complete our online enquiry form.
Is a prenup agreement a good option?
Manchester prenup solicitors are often asked what the point of a prenuptial agreement is if it isn’t legally binding in the English divorce court. However, although a prenup agreement isn’t binding on the English family court, Manchester prenup agreement solicitors say that provided the agreement is drawn up properly it could be given substantial weight. In real terms, if you are a high net worth individual, a prenup could save you millions. If you aren’t a high net worth individual, a prenup agreement is still a good idea because:
The prenuptial agreement could ring fence or safeguard pre-marriage acquired assets, such as a family inheritance, a trust fund, a family business or farm, or a pension that you contributed to many years before your planned marriage
The prenup could protect children from an earlier marriage or relationship by making sure that if you get divorced your second wife or husband doesn’t walk away with assets that you brought to the marriage or that you need to provide for your children from an earlier relationship
If you draw up a prenuptial agreement before the marriage and the terms are fair to both of you the agreement should reduce animosity and legal costs if you decide to separate at a later date
When will a court follow what is in a prenuptial agreement?
If you are contemplating signing a prenuptial agreement then it is essential to know when a court will, or is likely, to follow what is in the prenuptial agreement when ordering a financial settlement as part of divorce proceedings.
There are three potential scenarios if you sign a prenup and either you or your spouse later start divorce proceedings:
The divorce court ignores what is in the prenuptial agreement – either because the court doesn’t think that the agreement was drawn up with safeguards in place or doesn’t meet one spouse’s needs
The divorce court places weight on the prenuptial agreement and although the agreement isn’t followed to the letter the divorce court makes a financial settlement award that is less generous than it would have made had the prenuptial agreement not been signed
The divorce court follows the agreement recorded in the prenup and makes a financial settlement and financial court order in accordance with the provisions in the prenup
You are more likely to get the divorce court to follow options 2 or 3 if the court is satisfied that the prenup was freely entered into by each party to the agreement with a full appreciation of its implications unless in the circumstances prevailing at the time of the separation or divorce it wouldn’t be fair to hold the parties to the terms of their prenup agreement.
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It is often assumed that there is no free will involved in signing a prenuptial agreement as either the intended husband or wife has all the power and the other person feels that they have little alternative but to sign the prenuptial agreement if they want to get married. However, prenup solicitors say that every prenuptial agreement should be freely entered into to avoid the divorce court ruling that one person didn’t understand the agreement and therefore shouldn’t be bound by its terms.
To give the prenuptial agreement the best chance of being upheld in any subsequent divorce and financial proceedings, the following requirements should be met:
The terms of the prenup must be fair and meet the needs of the parties and any children who are dependent on them. If the agreement isn’t fair, it isn’t likely that the agreement will be fully upheld or even partially upheld. A good prenup solicitor can advise on the fairness principle the divorce court uses to guide you on what provisions to put in the agreement
The prenup was entered into voluntarily with no undue influence or duress and of your own free will and signed and executed as a deed
There is financial disclosure of each other’s financial circumstances. Financial disclosure is essential even if you are wary about detailing the full extent of your net wealth or your partner is embarrassed about their debts or income. Unless you know what the other has you can’t make informed choices about what should go in the prenup and what would be fair provision if you were to separate
The prenup should be signed in advance of the wedding. The recommendation by the Law Commission report is that prenuptial agreements should be entered into at least 28 days before the marriage or civil partnership
Independent legal advice on the prenup is taken. That is to ensure that you both understand the legal consequences of signing the prenup and what you might be gaining or losing by entering into the prenuptial agreement
Should I sign a prenup?
You should only sign a prenup if you are willing to be bound by the terms of the agreement. You should not enter a prenuptial agreement thinking that you can argue, in any subsequent divorce proceedings, that the terms of the agreement are unfair to you. That argument may not succeed if the agreement was drawn up properly with the safeguards in place.
Likewise, if you have substantial pre-marriage acquired wealth or you want to ring-fence specified assets or you don’t want financial arguments at the time of any divorce proceedings a prenup can be a sensible option for both you and your intended husband or wife.
We are Manchester Prenup Solicitors
Manchester and Cheshire-based Evolve Family Law solicitors specialise in preparing relationship agreements and advising on prenuptial agreements.
For advice about a prenuptial agreement or relationship agreement or other aspect of family law call us or complete our online enquiry form.
Robin Charrot
Oct 04, 2023
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6 minute read
Remarrying Your Ex
You may question why you would remarry your ex but remarrying your former husband or wife is a growing trend. Some unkindly refer to it as yo-yo or boomerang marriages but as divorce solicitors, we understand that what attracted you to a person in the first place can reignite despite your separation and divorce.
For expert help with divorce and family law call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form.
The legal implications of remarrying your ex
Once you get divorced your legal relationship is at an end although some financial ties may remain unless you obtained a clean break divorce financial court order. This type of divorce financial settlement severs any financial obligations. On remarriage, you are husband and wife again with the same marital legal relationship as the first time around. That marriage relationship brings with it financial obligations. Those obligations are not covered in your financial court order obtained after your first marriage and subsequent divorce.
What that means for you is that if you remarry your ex and it does not work out the second time around either of you can apply to the family court for a financial court order. The size of the financial award will depend on several factors, including the length of your second marriage and your respective needs.
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The importance of a prenuptial agreement when remarrying your ex
It is understandable to be a bit wary about getting remarried, especially if you went through an acrimonious divorce financial settlement first time around. Even if you were able to reach an agreed financial consent order after the end of your first marriage you are right to be cautious about getting remarried to your ex and the financial implications for you. This is especially true when you are in a financially stronger position than the ex you are re-marrying, perhaps because you were more careful with your share of the assets from your first divorce financial settlement.
How can you protect yourself financially whilst still enjoying a second marriage with your ex? The answer is a prenuptial agreement tailored to your circumstances. That’s because on re-marriage it is as if you are back to square one, with all the financial claims that a husband or wife can bring on a second divorce. For some couples that means that they are both more comfortable with living together in a cohabiting relationship with a cohabitation agreement in place to sort out and record their agreed property and financial arrangements. Others prefer the security of marriage but with a prenup agreement drawn up prior to their second wedding.
There isn’t one legal solution that’s right for everyone who decides to get back together with an ex-spouse. Normally there are legal pros and cons to the options of living together without remarriage or marrying for the second time, with a prenuptial agreement in place. Putting romance and family feelings aside, for inheritance tax reasons, a couple’s adult children might well thank their parent’s decision to remarry rather than cohabit with one another but there is a wealth of legal and financial considerations with each option. The legal advice will all depend on what the couple agreed on the first time around about property ownership and the split of pensions and their current financial circumstances.
Most couples who are marrying a second time around see a lot of sense in signing a prenup agreement. The document means that there is less risk of acrimonious and expensive second divorce proceedings. The beauty and practicality of a prenup agreement are that it can be as detailed or as broad as the couple requires provided that certain legal requirements are met.
For those preferring to cohabit together, it is just as important to draw up a cohabitation agreement as few couples realise that even if they don’t remarry and don’t jointly own a house together that property claims can still be made if a relationship breaks down.
For expert help with divorce and family law call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form.
Robin Charrot
Feb 16, 2023
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4 minute read
What Can I Do About Emotional Abuse in my Marriage?
Some people don’t like to admit that they are in an emotionally abusive relationship. Others recognise that their partners' actions are abusive, but they are uncertain about what they can do about it.
In this blog, our Northwest divorce solicitors look at what you can do about emotional abuse in your marriage.
Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.
What is emotional abuse?
Even family lawyers find it difficult to define emotional abuse. Unlike physical violence, there is no unmistakable slap mark, bruise or fracture. The effects of emotional abuse are subtle, but they can be as damaging as physical abuse.
Emotional abuse is the exertion of control through the manipulation of emotions. It isn’t typically a one-off experience; it's usually a slow and invidious process until you reach the point where you no longer have the strength to recognise the behaviour as abusive, the ability to call out the abuse or leave the relationship.
Sometimes it can take seeing your partner start the same pattern of emotional abuse with your child to trigger the decision to do something about the abuse in your relationship.
Emotional abuse is best described by the actions it involves:
Constantly belittling you.
Controlling your actions.
Restricting access to friends and family.
Examples of emotional abuse in a marriage
When friends or relatives see your spouse as loving and attentive, it can be hard to explain that there is another side to the relationship. The best way for family members and others to understand why you need help is to give examples of the emotional abuse, such as:
Being told you are a fool or stupid.
Questioning your sanity if you disagree with them.
Controlling what you can wear or eat.
Restricting access to family or friends.
Telling you that their behaviour and their control over what you can do is for your own good.
Emotional abusers can temper their control and abuse with gifts and kind words, thus presenting to the world as a caring spouse and giving you hope that they have changed or making you think that they can’t help their behaviour because they love you so much. This type of abuse is so subtle and powerful that people from all walks of life can find themselves caught up in an abusive relationship and not know how to get help.
Getting help with emotional abuse in a marriage
If you have experienced emotional abuse during your marriage, then speaking to a family law solicitor is a good starting point. A family lawyer will not tell you to get divorced. The solicitor will listen and then explain your rights and options. Your options may include:
Couple counselling.
Individual therapy.
A trial separation.
Applying for a non-molestation order or occupation order.
Starting no-fault divorce proceedings.
The option that is right for you and your children will depend on whether you think counselling will work, or the extent of the abuse, or its impact on your children. A lawyer can give you information on financial settlements and likely parenting arrangements after a separation or divorce to help you make an informed decision on what action to take.
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Injunctions and emotional abuse
People often say they do not think they can apply for an injunction order because they do not see themselves as a victim of domestic abuse, or do not think they would be believed.
Sadly, for many husbands and wives, their spouse’s emotional abuse can become part of their daily life, so they become inured to it. Often, it is when their partner’s behaviour has turned on the children that the behaviour is seen for what it is: emotional abuse.
If you have experienced any form of abuse, you may be able to apply for a non-molestation order or an occupation order. A non-molestation order says that your partner must not abuse you. The injunction can be enforced if it is breached. An occupation order allows you to live at the family home until the family court decides whether the property should be sold or transferred to you or to your spouse.
Depending on the level of abuse and other factors, the court may allow your spouse to live at the family home with you until it makes a financial court order, or the court could grant you an occupation order and make an ouster order to oust your spouse from the property temporarily until a long-term decision is made about how your assets will be divided between you.
Divorce proceedings and emotional abuse
Some people feel stuck in their marriage because they do not think that they can get divorced unless their spouse will accept that he or she committed adultery or they have evidence of their spouse’s unreasonable behaviour. This is no longer the case.
Fault is no longer central to divorce proceedings in the English family court. With the introduction of no-fault divorce proceedings, you no longer have to state in the divorce application that your spouse behaved unreasonably and cite emotional abuse or other forms of domestic abuse, or say that your spouse had an affair. Instead, you can apply for a divorce if you think your marriage has irretrievably broken down. Your spouse’s opinion on the state of your marriage doesn’t matter, as it is your opinion that counts.
Your spouse cannot object or defend the divorce proceedings on the basis that they don’t want a divorce, and there is no requirement to explain the reasons for the marriage breakdown in the divorce application.
Although a spouse has very limited grounds to oppose a divorce, an emotionally abusive spouse can try to stop you from starting divorce proceedings by threatening to apply for custody or full-time care of the children or by saying that you are financially tied to them because if you divorce you won't find their assets or you won't get anything as the judge will let them stay in the family home and care for the children. Advice from a family lawyer can help you understand the law and your rights.
Family law advice and emotional abuse
Family law solicitors say it is important to take time to reflect on your partner’s behaviour and to assess whether what you have experienced is emotional abuse. You then need to consider if there is any realistic prospect of your spouse recognising their behaviour as abusive and doing something to change their behaviour.
An experienced and understanding family law solicitor will talk you through your options. Importantly, they won’t try to control your decisions or tell you what you must do. However, they can guide and support you, whether you choose to stay with your partner or decide that separation or divorce is the best option for you and your family.
Call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form.
Our latest blogs
Louise Halford
Aug 08, 2022
·
6 minute read
What is Emotional Labour in Marriage and Divorce?
The Sunday Times recently ran a piece on ‘emotional labour’ and here at Evolve Family Law that sparked a debate about what emotional labour is and to what extent it plays a part in UK divorce proceedings. If you aren’t sure what emotional labour is and how it could affect your divorce proceedings then read on.
What is Emotional Labour?
Apparently the term ’emotional labour’ first began to be used back in 1983 to describe repressed feelings and emotions at work. Whilst we may not have head of the term we have all bitten back a sharp comment or retort to a work colleague at one point or other, knowing that a sarcastic reply won't help with the need to work together. Fast forward to 2020, and the term emotional labour is now being used in the home environment. I am sure all of you will have suppressed your first thoughts and replies when asked about whether you want the bins taken out, the dishwasher emptied or what time the meal will be ready for as your other half has plans for the evening (that don’t include you).
Emotional labour isn’t just about suppressing your first response to your partner when asked if you want the dishwasher emptied when there are no clean cups or plates in the cupboard and you have just come off a ten hour shift with your other half and the children looking expectantly for their evening meal. It is also about all the other things in a relationship that can quietly drive you crazy as you feel obliged to hide your true feelings for the sake of your partner’s feelings and/or the children’s feelings. Examples include:
Having to have the mother in law to Sunday dinner each week when she clearly can't stand you and never reciprocates with an invitation back
Always having to select the children’s birthday presents but not say anything when the children assume that the present was chosen jointly
Taking sole responsibility for taking the children to rugby practice when you can't stand sport or the biting wind, and would also much prefer a Sunday lie in (like your partner) having worked hard all week and not being the parent who’d encouraged the child to try for a place in the rugby team in the first place.
Do any of those examples ring true in your relationship? Our Manchester divorce solicitors say that it is often only when the decision to separate has been made that either a husband or wife will realise and acknowledge that they are doing the work of two people in the relationship.
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Does Emotional Labour Lead to Divorce Proceedings?
Whilst you don’t currently hear husband or wife's saying that they are getting divorced because of ‘emotional labour’, it is undoubtedly the case that emotional labour is behind some marriage breakdowns and the commencement of divorce proceedings based on the unreasonable behaviour of either a husband or wife.
Can anything be done to stop emotional labour and the breakdown of a marriage? Divorce lawyers are positive that in the right scenario there is help available such as:
Family or couple therapy to discuss how you feel and the need for change
Individual therapy to help you accept your husband or wife's behaviour and the fact that they aren’t likely to change
Professional help to ease the load on one partner in the relationship, whether that is a housekeeper, cleaner or au-pair.
If you can't stop the emotional labour (and can't live with it) then it may prompt divorce proceedings. The divorce proceedings could be based on your partner’s unreasonable behaviour as, in 2020, it is clear that a relationship needs to be if not an equal division of work and home labour then at least a fair one so one partner doesn’t feel they are hard done by and has to suppress emotional labour as that isn’t healthy for the individual and will eventually lead to the start of divorce proceedings unless the problem can be acknowledged and change occurs.
At Evolve Family Law we are grateful to the Sunday Times for giving a name to ‘emotional labour’, something that we are all aware of and with an understanding of just how pernicious the problem can be when you are caught up in a long standing relationship where one partner’s feelings and emotions just don’t count.
Online and Manchester and Cheshire Divorce Solicitors
Manchester and Cheshire based Evolve Family Law solicitors specialise in family law and divorce proceedings. If you need legal help with family law, from divorce to your financial settlement or childcare arrangements, call Evolve Family Law or complete our online enquiry form to set up a meeting, video conference or telephone appointment.
Louise Halford
Sep 07, 2020
·
5 minute read
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