Divorce

​When most of us see headlines about compensation we think that the newsworthy case must be a civil claim for compensation arising out of a road traffic accident or medical negligence. However, in the news last week was a case on ‘divorce compensation’. In this blog we look at what is meant by divorce compensation.Cheshire Divorce solicitors If you are in the process of a separation or divorce and want advice on a financial settlement then the family law team at Evolve Family Law can help you. Specialising in complex financial settlement claims and children proceedings, the friendly and approachable divorce solicitors, based at Holmes Chapel Cheshire and Whitefield North Manchester, can help you. Call us on 0345 222 8 222 or contact us online.​Divorce compensation Divorce compensation is in all the newspapers because of a case involving two solicitors.  The couple had been married for about ten years and have two children together. The family wealth amounts to about ten million. The family judge ordered that the husband and wife should each get fifty percent, around five million each.   You may think that £5 million each is a just and fair award as after all the couple had been married for nearly a decade. However, the judge went onto order that the wife should get an extra £400,000 for what was termed by the judge as ‘relationship generated disadvantage’ or divorce compensation.   The judge made the additional £400,000 award because the wife and mother, a Cambridge law graduate, had sacrificed her career as a solicitor to look after the couple’s two children.   The court decision will be of interest to many as it is common for one partner in a relationship to step back from their career to become a house husband or wife or to try to juggle child care and home making with a part time career, thus losing out on job promotions and work bonuses. Often the philosophy is that either a husband or wife has to step back from their career as if they equally share the childcare commitment both careers will suffer.    In some family situations, where one spouse has a lower earnings capacity than the other, the choice may be painfully obvious as to who should take on the role of the main breadwinner. However, in the reported case both husband and wife started out their married life as qualified solicitors and both (rather than one) could have had stellar careers had it not been for the decision to forgo a career to look after the couple’s children.   Can I get divorce compensation? When a case hits the headlines many people, lawyers included, think that divorce  compensation will be the ‘new thing’ and that everyone will be claiming for relationship generated disadvantage. However, the judge in the recent court case, made it clear in his ruling that his decision in the case of the two unnamed lawyers should not open the floodgates to a plethora of relationship generated disadvantage divorce compensation claims. The judge said that relationship generated disadvantage claims should be limited to where there are truly exceptional circumstances.   How do I claim for relationship generated disadvantage? Compensation for relationship-generated disadvantage can be included as part of your financial claim in divorce financial proceedings. You cannot claim for relationship generated disadvantage if you are in a cohabiting relationship.   The relationship generated disadvantage claim is made as part of your financial settlement claims and assessed at the same time as the judge decides on: What the family assets are What your needs and your spouse’s needs are (and if you have children what your children’s needs are) How your family assets should be divided between you Whether you should get the family home or if it should be transferred to your spouse as part of the financial settlement or sold and the proceeds divided between you Whether you or your spouse should receive a share of the other’s pension as part of the financial settlement Whether a clean break order should be made to prevent further financial claims Whether spousal maintenance should be paid and, if so, for how long and how much should be paid.   There are a host of other things that a judge has to consider such as whether one spouse should pay towards the other’s legal costs or not.   Any claim for divorce compensation or relationship generated disadvantage will be added to the list of issues for the judge to rule on and to explain why he/she has allowed an additional award for relationship generated disadvantage or ruled it out in their court judgment.   In the case of the two solicitors it was clearly evident that the wife had given up a lucrative career to care for children and that she had a case to say, that with her qualifications, she could have enjoyed an equally stellar career as her husband had it not been for the fact that the arrival of children seriously damaged her ability to work in a demanding career as a solicitor.   You may take the view that with a financial settlement of around five million the wife did not need the extra £400,000 for ‘relationship generated disadvantage’ as the five million would more than meet her reasonable needs. However, the court has said in previous cases where divorce compensation arguments have been raised, that relationship generated disadvantage is relevant even if their future needs have been met generously through the financial settlement. That is because one spouse has given up their ability to generate an income surplus to needs and so in an exceptional case they can ask a judge to rule that their husband or wife should pay an element of ‘divorce compensation’.Cheshire Divorce solicitors  If you are separating or getting divorced and are worried about your financial settlement then whether or not you gave up your career you need expert legal advice on your best financial settlement options.   The family law team at Evolve Family Law can help you. Specialising in complex financial settlement claims and children law proceedings the friendly and approachable divorce solicitors, based at Holmes Chapel Cheshire and Whitefield North Manchester, can help you reach a financial settlement that works for you and your family. Call us on 0345 222 8 222 or contact us online . ​Latest From Our Divorce Blog:

By guest blogger Anoushka Macin of Balance Psychologies You have decided or it may have been decided for you that you no longer want to stay in a relationship that is tormenting you. Leaving a narcissistic relationship is one of the hardest things to do. In my work with clients and with my online community I provide lots of information to people who find themselves with a narcissist or toxic individual. Here is how to get out safely with your wellbeing intact.   When we fall in love it’s natural to attach and form a romantic bond, but once in love with a narcissist it is not easy to leave let alone detach from them.   Why it’s hard to break up with a narcissist Pathological narcissists or people with narcissistic traits present as charming, interesting and seductive to be around and will treat you with kindness and warmth. They may even love bomb you. This is where the dysfunctional attachment to the narcissist begins. I am not saying that it is wrong that you are being treated with kindness, charm and respect at the beginning. Of course you want to be with them but you become easily dependent on their attention and validation of you.   Once you are hooked onto this they become secure and then they aren’t motivated to be nice to you. Their charm, warmth and respect fades and is replaced or intermixed with varying degrees of criticism, demands, coldness and emotional abuse. You become accommodating and try to win their love and attention back and meanwhile your self-esteem and independence of mind are compromised. You may even become gas lighted and begin to doubt your own decisions and perceptions due to blame and lies. When you question this you become attacked, intimidated and confused by manipulation.   Over time you learn to accept the abuse or even attempt to avoid conflict and become deferential. Because facing the reality is too painful. To leave is the only option as this behavior becomes a cycle of abuse and unfortunately you are too weak and vulnerable to be able to do anything about it. You cannot save them, only yourself. Below are some tips and strategies that may help you to cope and heal after leaving a narcissistic relationship.   Go no contact - limited no contact Block them! I mean of all your communication avenues. That means phone, email and social media. You need some time to yourself to ‘breathe’ and get your thoughts in order. You are not going to be able to do that if you have constant abuse through secondary sources. The narcissist will try to contact you! You have to cut off this communication, you need some time to get your mind in order.   Now, this may not be as straight forward if there are children involved, so what I suggest here is limited contact. I feel that at the beginning of this process do go no contact but only when you are ready begin with limited contact and it needs to stay like that. So, what does limited contact look like? It will mean that you have to clarify what it is that you are communicating with the narcissist, be specific and stick to only the facts that you want to get across. Take the emotion out of the content that you are talking about, this will give you the advantage. Please know that the narcissist will use your triggers and emotions against you to trip you up and get what they want. As these interactions are about gaining power over you and controlling the  conversation, to do that they need to initiate an emotional reaction out of you and will press your buttons. Be wise to this and prepare yourself accordingly.   Join a support group It is really important at this time that you have support of people that understand and care for you. Having to explain your decisions to people who do not get it, is not good for you to be around them at the moment. You need to surround yourself with people who give you positive validation. Finding a therapist might be a good idea too.   Become more autonomous To heal and move forward from an abusive relationship it is helpful to build a life outside of the relationship that includes separate friends, hobbies and other interests. When you leave you will need a fulfilling life to supplement or replace the relationship. You will need to surround yourself with positive things that will help you to heal and remind you that there is a life outside of this person and relationship.   Build your self esteem This is very important, you will need all the strength that you need. It is important to reconnect with yourself and get to know you all over again. In relationships such as these your identity would have been compromised and diminished, therefore reconnecting to your own needs and values is important to build your inner strength. You will need to learn to become more assertive and build boundaries.   Learn how to nurture yourself This follows on from the last point of reconnecting with yourself. Learning your needs and putting them first. This is really important if you have children as you will be teaching them to value themselves and to build a robust connection to self. This is a life skill and will insulate you from the abuse.   Grieve Please allow yourself time to grieve the relationship and false future promises that were made to you in the relationship. This will help you to process your emotions and recover from the relationship. I would also urge you to find an experienced Manchester divorce solicitor who has the understanding and experience of dealing with narcissistic personalities. Mediation is not a good option where there is a history of abuse.   As long as you’re under the spell of the narcissist, they have control over you. In order to become empowered you will need to educate yourself. Come out denial and see the reality of what this really is. Information is power. Read up on narcissism and abuse, I have a lot of information on my website. Regardless of your decision, it is important for your own mental health and to redeem your autonomy and self-esteem. By guest blogger Anoushka Macin of Balance Psychologies [related_posts]

A divorce court ruling on a Sharia law marriage has called into question the validity of Sharia law marriages conducted in the UK.  You may question why that is important to you as, after all, if you celebrated an Islamic marriage ceremony, witnessed by all your friends and family that is what counts as you are married in the eyes of God. Whilst our Manchester divorce solicitors would not disagree with the significance of the marriage ceremony to you, in the English family court you may not be legally married. Your status as a husband or wife or as a cohabitee could make the difference between whether you get half the family wealth or nothing if you separate. The case of Mr Khan and Mrs Akhtar The legal status of Islamic marriage in the UK is in the news headlines again because of the long running case of Mr Khan and Mrs Akhtar. In the high court Mrs Akhtar sought a divorce from her husband, Mr Khan. He opposed the divorce petition on the basis that they weren’t legally married. Although you would have thought it obvious that they were married because the couple had participated in a Nikah ceremony in a London restaurant conducted by an Imam with about 150 guests, Mr Khan said the marriage  wasn’t legal as whilst it might be a legal marriage under Sharia law it did not meet the requirements of English marriage  law.   The first judge ruled that the marriage was a marriage but classed it as a void marriage. This decision allowed Mrs Akhtar to start financial proceedings as the wife of Mr Khan, something that she could not have done if the high court had ruled that the couple were not legally married. Although the court ruled that the marriage was still a marriage (even though it was void) back in 2018 it has taken until February 2020 for the court of appeal to hear the case and conclude that the couple were not legally married under English law.   Interestingly the appeal wasn’t brought by Mr Khan but by the Attorney General who is joined as a party to court proceedings where the validity of a marriage is called into question. The court of appeal ruling is making Manchester divorce solicitors ask where the decision leaves Mr Khan, Mrs Akhtar and their four children and, just as importantly all those other husband and wife's who have celebrated a Nikah marriage  ceremony recognised in Sharia and Islamic law but not under UK marriage  law.   Is an Islamic marriage valid in the UK? The court of appeal held that the marriage of Mr Khan and Mrs Akhter was invalid (rather than void) and therefore the Islamic marriage isn’t a legally recognised marriage, notwithstanding the 150 guests who attended to witness the marriage ceremony.   The court of appeal ruled that the Sharia law wedding wasn’t a valid marriage because the ceremony took place at a venue that isn’t registered as a wedding venue and therefore no registrar was therefore present to conduct the ceremony. Back in 2018, the high court took a different approach and ruled there was a valid marriage recognised in both Sharia law and under English case law because although the couple hadn’t complied with English marriage law requirements they both held themselves out as a married couple. The court of appeal said that this wasn’t enough as they both knew that they needed to participate in a registered civil marriage ceremony to comply with English marriage law. [related_posts] Does it matter if your Islamic marriage isn’t recognised in the UK? You may question whether it matters if your Islamic marriage isn’t recognised in the UK family law as a valid marriage because, from your perspective, it is your marriage under Sharia law that is the important ceremony to you and your family. However, if you separate and you try to start divorce proceedings you may find yourself in the same position as Mrs Akhtar; told that there is no need for English divorce proceedings because you are not legally married under English law. That means, that for the purposes of your financial settlement, in English family law you will be treated as a cohabitee or unmarried partner.   If your marriage is legally recognised then within divorce and financial proceedings a husband or wife can bring financial claims for a share of: The family home Any other property you own – this property includes houses or commercial property owned in your joint names or in your sole name Your business – your spouse does not need to hold shares in your company or to have worked in the business to be able to make a financial claim against business assets Your pension – your spouse can claim a share in your pension even if your pension was set up prior to your marriage Your savings and investments – your husband or wife can claim a share of your savings and investments even if they are owned in your sole name Your income – a claim can be made for the payment of ongoing spousal maintenance.   By contrast, if you are an unmarried partner or cohabitee you won't be able to claim: A share of your partner’s pension Spousal maintenance Any other assets unless you can prove that you are an owner of that property or that you were promised a share in the property.   If you have children with your partner you can try to claim housing provision and child support for your children but Manchester divorce solicitors say it is a lot harder to bring a financial claim if you are a cohabitee rather than a husband or wife whose legal status in recognised in English law.   What should I do if I have an Islamic marriage? If you have an Islamic marriage and you are concerned that your marriage won’t be legally recognised in English law it is best to take legal advice from a Manchester divorce solicitor. A discussion about your legal relationship status does not commit you to making any decisions and is completely confidential.   Islamic marriages and prenuptial agreements If your husband or wife does not want to participate in a legally recognised marriage ceremony because they appreciate the extent of the financial claims that can be made by a husband or wife on separation (in contrast to an unmarried partner) then one option may be to look at signing a prenuptial agreement to record a fair financial settlement should you separate at a later date. It is vital that you take expert legal advice before committing to sign a prenuptial agreement.     If you are concerned about the status of your Islamic marriage then whether or not you are contemplating a separation or starting civil divorce proceedings you should take legal advice on your situation and options. The specialist divorce law team at Manchester divorce solicitors at Evolve Family Law in Whitefield can help you. Call our Whitefield divorce solicitors or complete our online enquiry form.

In the past you could only get a judge to make a family law injunction order if there had been domestic violence involving a trip to the hospital or doctor. Those days are long gone with family judges realising that any form of domestic violence, from serious sexual assault to slap or push, is unacceptable. The law now allows you to apply for a family law injunction order if you are subjected to coercive control and behaviour. In this blog we look at what is meant by coercive control and behaviour. Evolve Family Law solicitors are approachable and friendly, providing expert divorce, children and financial settlement advice, with experience in handling separations or divorces where a partner has been abusive or is narcissistic and controlling.  Contact us today and let us help you. What is Coercive Behaviour? The question ‘what is coercive behaviour?’ is a good one as what one person would describe as coercive and controlling behaviour may be the normal experience of a husband, wife or partner who is so used to such controlling behaviour that they have become immune to it and adapted their life and thought processes around their partner’s behaviour so as not to upset them or to fit in.   It is often only when you see your husband, wife, or partner starting to exercise the same coercive behaviour on your child and you see the impact of that behaviour on your child’s demeanour and personality that you realise that you have got to do something. In other families it takes a close friend or family member to point out that what your partner sees as loving behaviour is actually stifling you and is coercive behaviour.   From a Cheshire divorce and family law solicitor’s perspective coercive behaviour is any act designed to force or coerce you into doing something against your will or that is intended to harm or intimidate you. Acts can include physical threats as well other forms of humiliation or words said by your partner that make you feel as if you are no longer in control of your life or actions.   The government says that coercive and controlling behaviour is an act designed to make you feel subordinate or dependent on your partner and gives examples of: Isolation from friends and family Stopping you from being independent Regulating your behaviour. Examples of Coercive Behaviour It is all very well to be told what the government thinks is coercive behaviour but how does that translate into real life? Below are some examples of real life coercive behaviour: Controlling what you eat and weigh (it may be said that this is for ‘your own good’ to make you attractive but it is still coercive and controlling behaviour) Stopping you from having a shower or bath at times other than stipulated Preventing you from leaving the family home on your own or stopping you from seeing your friends and family Restricting your access to money so you only get an allowance to buy food and have to account for any money spent by you Telling you that you can't pick up the baby or play with the children other than at times allowed Telling you that you can't go online or monitoring your computer and telephone usage Dictating what clothes you should wear (either too modest or too flamboyant for your taste) or saying what make-up you can wear (if any).   Coercion and control doesn’t just happen to women in heterosexual relationships. Women can also coerce and control their male partners or husbands. Coercion and control also occurs in same sex relationships.   If something amounts to coercive and controlling behaviour then it doesn’t matter if you are married, in a civil partnership or cohabiting and living together. It is the act or behaviour that is important rather than the legal status of your family relationship. Recognising Coercive Behaviour Coercive and controlling behaviour can be insidious and hard for you or your friends and family to spot. That is because the coercion can be subtle (for example, ‘you look fat or tarty in that outfit’) or the degree of control can grow slowly over time so you don’t recognise it for what it is (for example, getting you to agree that it is too much hassle to see your mother every week to eventually telling you who you can and can't see).   When you are in a relationship, or you are a close friend or family member, it can be hard to spot or recognise coercive behaviour, often because it is dressed up as ‘only wanting to do what is best’ or because it is said you are so stupid or mentally unwell that your partner or husband or wife knows what is best for you.   Don’t forget that coercion and controlling behaviour doesn’t have to be face to face. Some of the most intimidating coercive behaviour can be carried out by bombarding someone with text messages and phone calls or remotely spying on activities. What can I do about coercive behaviour in my relationship? If you are being subjected to coercion and control in your relationship then you can: Try and get your partner to see his/her behaviour for what it is. This may involve counselling to get to the root cause of the coercive behaviour. In some family situations the nature of the coercive control is such that it is not safe or healthy for you to stay in the relationship and so counselling and trying to stay together may not be a realistic option as you need to leave the family home and separate permanently Separate and start divorce proceedings. If your husband or wife has exercised coercive or controlling behaviour you should be able to start divorce proceedings based on their unreasonable behaviour. Even if you don’t want to start divorce proceedings based on your spouse’s unreasonable behaviour it is still important to tell your divorce solicitor about the behaviour. They can talk to you about your divorce proceedings options, such as starting divorce proceedings on your partner’s new relationship (adultery) Separate and start injunction proceedings. An injunction order is made by the family court. The court can either make a non-molestation or an occupation order to protect you and your children Make a complaint to the police. The Serious Crime Act 2015 created a new criminal offence of controlling or coercive behaviour in intimate or familial relationship’. If your partner is found guilty then in a serious case of coercive behaviour they could be sent to prison for up to five years. What is a non-molestation order? A non-molestation injunction order is a family court order that stops the person who is behaving in a coercive or controlling manner towards you or your child from continuing to do so. What is an occupation order? An occupation injunction order is a family court order that stops the person who is behaving in a coercive or controlling manner towards you or your child from continuing to live at the family home or from re-entering the family home or restricts your partner or spouse from certain rooms in the family home. Breaching an injunction order If your partner or spouse breaches a family court injunction order then it is a contempt of court and a criminal offence. [related_posts] Talking to your divorce and family law solicitor about coercive behaviour If you take the step of deciding to speak to a Cheshire divorce solicitor about your marriage or relationship it is important to tell them about the coercive control. Many people are too embarrassed to talk about their partner or spouse’s behaviour or they decide that their partner’s behaviour isn’t relevant because they don’t want to start divorce proceedings based on unreasonable behaviour or start injunction proceedings.   Even if you don’t want your divorce solicitor to act on the coercive behaviour information you give them, it is still important to tell them about it so that they understand why you may have concerns about your children having contact and why you want a child arrangements order or why you may want a financial settlement that includes a clean break financial court order so there are no ongoing financial ties between you and your husband or wife.   Cheshire divorce solicitors won't judge you or criticise you for not leaving your partner any earlier. However, what they will do is support you during your relationship breakdown, finding the best long term family solutions for you and your family and to do that they need to know about the coercive and controlling behaviour to help you and your family.

For many Jewish women the prospect of getting divorced not only makes them worry about how their children will cope, raises fear for their future financial security but makes them question whether they will end up in limbo, with a civil law decree absolute of divorce from the Manchester divorce court but no religious Get. A new case may bring hope to those worried about securing a Get after their separation and civil divorce.Manchester divorce solicitors If you are divorcing and are worried about securing a Get or about negotiating the childcare arrangements for your children or your divorce financial settlement then the Manchester divorce solicitors at Evolve Family Law in Whitefield can help you. Call us on 0345 222 8 222, complete our online enquiry form or email robin@evolvefamilylaw.co.uk Whitefield based Evolve Family Law solicitors are approachable and friendly, providing pragmatic expert divorce advice, financial settlement solutions and children law resolutions. Call us on 0345 222 8 222 and let the Whitefield divorce solicitors help you.Obtaining a Get The law has tried to help those trapped having secured separation or a civil divorce but unable to move on with their lives because they are not able to secure a religious divorce or Get. In what is being described as a landmark case, a woman has used legislation designed to protect victims of domestic violence to secure her Get. In this blog we look at how she achieved her Get and the alternatives to her course of action.   Obtaining a Get by private prosecution An unnamed women from London obtained her Get after launching a private criminal prosecution against her husband for coercive control.   The case is thought to be the first time that the UK criminal justice system has been used as a means to secure a Get to enable the London woman to be able to remarry according to Jewish law.   If you are wondering about what the judge and jury said, this is a case where the private prosecution of the husband was withdrawn when he agreed to give his wife a Get. That meant his crown court trial didn’t take place and therefore the jury did not have to assess whether the man was guilty or innocent of the law against ‘coercive control’.   The wife used Section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015 to bring the private prosecution. The 2015 Act created a new offence of coercive or controlling behaviour in an intimate or family relationship. An offence is committed if: A person repeatedly or continuously engages in behaviour towards another person that is controlling or coercive and the two people are personally connected The person committing the behaviour knows or ought to know that their behaviour will have a serious impact and the behaviour does have a serious impact on the person subjected to the behaviour.   To be charged with an offence under the 2015 Act you must have committed controlling or coercive behaviour towards a ‘personally connected’ person. The law says you are personally connected if: You are in an intimate personal relationship or You live together and are family members or You lived together and were in an intimate personal relationship with one another.    Had the husband been found guilty of the criminal charge then he could have faced a maximum sentence of up to five years in prison. That was probably a very powerful motive to agree to give the wife a Get. However, some may argue that the Get was not freely given by the husband as he felt under pressure to provide the Get rather than offering it of his own free will.   Obtaining a Get through injunction proceedings  In the London case a private criminal prosecution was launched but the case is making Manchester divorce solicitors question whether a Jewish woman could apply for a civil or family court order alleging coercive control as a means to try and secure co-operation and the granting of the Get.   Many women assume that they cannot apply for a family court injunction order because their husband has not been violent towards them, or if he has it was ‘just a push or a slap’. The law on domestic violence is clear, domestic abuse includes emotional and psychological abuse as well as coercive and controlling behaviour. In addition, any form of domestic violence is unacceptable.   Accordingly, some women may want to consider if injunction proceedings would help provide leverage to secure their Get, in the same way that the wife used her private criminal prosecution to achieve her goal of freedom and an end to her being in legal limbo.   Obtaining a Get through UK divorce law For a wife who wants to secure a Get but their husband is not co-operating the most widely known legal option is to use Section 10A of the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973, amended by the Divorce (Religious Marriages) Act 2002).   Under this legislation either a husband or wife is entitled to apply to the divorce court for an order stopping the decree absolute of divorce from being pronounced until the Get is obtained.   In another recent court case, spousal maintenance law was used as a means to achieve a Get. A Manchester businessman appealed against a financial court order made in divorce court proceedings. The court had ordered him to pay spousal maintenance at the rate of £1,850 a month until he gave his wife a Get.   The husband, Mr Moher, appealed saying it was wrong to order him to pay spousal maintenance until he gave his wife a Get because it introduced compulsion and, under Jewish law, a Get should be given of your own free will. The court of appeal disagreed and upheld the spousal maintenance order.   Talk to your divorce solicitor If you need a Get then it is important that you tell your Manchester divorce solicitor this so that they know, in any negotiations, just how important the Get is to you and to your future happiness.   Once your Manchester divorce solicitor understands that you need the Get to re-marry under Jewish law and to have more children then this should be a priority for them. Even if your husband says he will cooperate and give you a Get or you do not contemplate re-marriage, it is still important to record the agreement on securing a Get in case your husband decides not to co-operate.   Robin Charrot, divorce and financial settlement solicitor at Evolve Family Law based in Whitefield, Manchester says:   ‘’ Obtaining a Get can sometimes be hard work when a husband refuses to cooperate or prevaricates. It is vital that your divorce solicitor understands the importance of the Get to you. I have had solicitors question why it is significant to obtain a Get if a wife has achieved a civil UK law divorce as well as sorted out a child arrangements order and her divorce financial settlement. From my perspective, if a client wants Get it means the difference between a wife being able to get over her divorce and move on with her life feeling positive about her future and feeling trapped and forever controlled by her former husband. That is why the Get is so important and why the London landmark private prosecution will generate a lot of interest in Whitefield and North Manchester. It is another option to explore to secure your Get.’’Manchester Divorce solicitors If you are contemplating a separation or starting civil divorce proceedings but are worried about obtaining a Get then Manchester divorce solicitors at Evolve Family Law in Whitefield can help you. Call the Whitefield divorce solicitor us on 0345 222 8 222, complete our online enquiry form or email robin@evolvefamilylaw.co.uk   Whitefield based Evolve Family Law solicitors are approachable and friendly, providing pragmatic expert divorce, children and financial settlement law advice. Call Evolve Family Law on 0345 222 8 222 and let us help you.Latest From Our Marriage & Divorce Blogs:

It is difficult making the decision to leave a husband, wife or partner. People often think that the decision to separate is easy if you are leaving an abusive partner as  ending the relationship is the ‘obvious’ thing to do. As a Cheshire divorce solicitor witnessing and helping those involved in abusive relationships, I know that it is no easier to leave an abusive partner than it is to leave a caring and kind partner that you have drifted apart from. Any separation or divorce is a painful process but it can be particularly difficult when you are leaving an abusive partner. That’s why it helps if your divorce solicitor has experience of helping others separate from abusive partners.   How do you leave an abusive partner? You may think the answer to the question ‘how do you leave an abusive partner?’ is obvious – you just get up and leave. However Cheshire divorce solicitors who work with people in abusive relationships know that it isn’t as easy as that.   If you are in an abusive relationship it is particularly important to plan your departure to make sure you and your children are safe. Here are our tips on leaving an abusive partner: Get help and support – the support can be from friends, family, your doctor or counsellor, the police, domestic violence agency or other source. Without help you might be tempted to think that your partner has changed and that it is safe to go back or want to go back to the property on your own to pick up extra possessions or to meet your partner to hand the children over for contact; Have an escape plan – if you are leaving a partner it is normal to discuss why the relationship hasn’t worked out and why you are either leaving or want them to go. If you are leaving an abusive partner it may not be safe to have that discussion and you may therefore either need to leave without telling them about your plans or where you are going. You may not have to leave the family home if you can get injunction orders to protect you; Be practical – most people with abusive personalities are wily characters. If you are making phone calls or using the internet or you or the children are posting things on Facebook, think about whether your abusive partner will be able to trace you from those activities. If you are planning on leaving think what you will need to take with you so you don’t have to return to collect essential items. If the children are in school make sure teachers know why you may need to collect the children early or arrange for someone else to do so; Protect yourself – if you are at immediate risk then don’t follow any escape plan but get immediate help from the police. If you are not at immediate risk but are worried about your safety then speak to a Cheshire divorce solicitor about getting emergency injunction orders (called non-molestation and occupation orders) or children orders (called child arrangements orders or prohibited steps orders) to safeguard your children if you are concerned about the risk of child abduction; Take legal advice – ideally you should take legal advice before you leave an abusive partner so that you know where you stand legally and whether, for example, you can make them leave the family home , if you can change the locks or stop contact or get interim financial support; Be strong – you probably think that you are not strong enough to leave or to withstand the pressure from your partner to return or their attempts to find you and exact revenge because you left. An honest Cheshire divorce solicitor will tell you that leaving isn’t the easy option and that you therefore need to be strong to get through leaving an abusive partner and to make sure you have the help and support you need to get through it. Is my partner abusive? You may think that the question ‘Is my partner abusive?’ should have a straight forward answer. However, Cheshire divorce solicitors will tell you that it isn’t uncommon for those leaving abusive relationships to not recognise their partner’s behaviour as abuse. That can be for a variety of reasons such as: They understandably don’t want to be seen as a victim of abuse and so minimise their partner’s behaviour; They have a very narrow view of what amounts to abusive behaviour because they don’t see psychological abuse or coercive and controlling behaviour as abusive; They have been coached into thinking that their partner’s behaviour is normal or that it only occurs because of their unreasonable demands; Their partner isn’t abusive to the children so it must be their behaviour that is at fault and not that of their partner.   Most Cheshire divorce solicitors understand why the abuse isn’t recognised as abuse during the relationship and therefore why it is so hard to recognise the behaviour as abuse when you are separating. After all, if you have been told repeatedly that it is you that is ‘mental’ or the one with the ‘problem’, it is all too easy to get sucked into believing that the abuse is only because your partner cares about you.   The definition of what amounts to abuse in a relationship is very wide. Nowadays courts and divorce lawyers recognise that abuse in a relationship isn’t limited to physical assaults but includes: Verbal and emotional abuse, such as belittling you or telling you that you are mentally unwell or not a fit parent; Financial control, such as withholding money from you so you are reliant on your partner; Intimidation and mind games, such as telling you that they will kill themselves or leave their job so you will end up with nothing but guilt if you leave; Exercising coercion and control, such as not letting you see your family or being unwilling to let you go out to work or to have a bank account in your own name.   There are numerous examples of what amounts to abusive behaviour in a relationship. Sometimes it takes talking to a friend, counsellor or a Cheshire divorce solicitor about your relationship to recognise the behaviour for what it is and to start to acknowledge the physical and emotional impact of your partner’s abusive behaviour on you. Leaving an abusive partner If you are contemplating leaving an abusive partner the number one priority is to make sure that you are safe and are empowered to do so. It is stressful leaving any relationship but if your partner is abusive the physical departure can be a dangerous trigger point unless handled carefully. Just as importantly, if you have been in an abusive relationship for a long time it can be easy to succumb to promises of change or being told that you can't leave because you won't be able to take the children with you or you won't get a penny.   It can feel as if there is no escape from an abusive partner but that isn’t the case. With the right emotional and legal support you can leave an abusive partner safely and rebuild your life. Getting help with an abusive partner When you live with an abusive partner it is hard to reach out and ask for help. That can be down to feelings of embarrassment or because you love your partner and want to stay in the relationship but just want the abuse to stop. Cheshire divorce solicitors find it is often the case that those in abusive relationships are too frightened to speak out and ask for help as they fear what will happen if they do. That is totally understandable as the last thing that you or they want is for your situation to be any worse than it is.   One thing that a solicitor can promise you is that if you seek help from them then what you say is totally confidential. The fact that you have taken advice from a solicitor and the advice information given won't be disclosed to anyone, unless you give your permission to do so.   If you are worried about seeing a divorce solicitor then you are welcome to come to a meeting to discuss leaving an abusive partner with a friend or member of your family. They can help give you the courage to leave, but remember that whilst friends and family can offer emotional and practical support, the decision to leave has to come from you.   If you don’t have friends or family to support you (or would be worried about things getting back to your partner) there are many supportive organisations and charities who are there to help with information and advice as well as individuals , such as your GP or a counsellor , who can support you in your decision to leave your abusive partner. Divorcing an abusive partner If your husband or wife is an abusive partner then a Cheshire divorce solicitor will tell you that you will have the grounds to start divorce proceedings on the basis of unreasonable behaviour. Allegations of unreasonable behaviour don’t have to include physical violence but can also include behaviour such as: Belittling you in front of your family; or Not being willing to let you see your friends; or Criticising your actions and telling you that you are stupid.   If you are dealing with an abusive husband or wife you will need a Cheshire divorce solicitor who can stand up to your partner, make sure that you and your children get the legal protection you need , but who will also ensure that your voice is heard and help you make your own decisions about what you want. Children and leaving an abusive partner It isn’t unusual for Cheshire divorce solicitors to be told that someone has stayed in an abusive relationship for years ‘for the sake of the children’. That can be down to a whole variety of factors, such as: Your abusive partner has told you that they will get custody of the children and they won't let you see the children because they will turn the children against you; You think that you would have to leave the family home and you are worried that this will affect the children ; The children love their other parent and you don’t want them to grow up in a single parent family; The timing to separate isn’t right because of a child’s exams or the start of primary or secondary school.   Cheshire divorce solicitors will tell you that all the research into children and separation and divorce shows that: Children are remarkably resilient; More often than not children know when there is something wrong with their parent’s relationship. Although the children may not have seen any domestic violence or physical assaults, because you have protected them, they can still pick up on the vibe in the household and be emotionally affected by it; Children prefer to live in two households rather than have their parents living together but in an abusive relationship with a toxic atmosphere.   It is natural to feel very anxious about childcare arrangements if you are planning to leave an abusive partner. The first priority is to ensure that you and the children are safe from any domestic violence (or the children witnessing it) so injunction applications can be made to safeguard you and the children. In addition you can apply for a child arrangements order. In an emergency a child arrangements order can be made quickly to protect the children. A child arrangements order can: Say the children should live with you – on a short term or long term basis; Set out if the children should see your partner, and if so, whether the contact visits should take place in a supervised setting (for example at a contact centre or in the presence of a member of your family or a trusted friend) and spell out the safe handover and collection arrangements.   If you and your abusive partner have to go to court to sort out the child care arrangements it is important that: Your husband or wife's abusive behaviour and its impact on you and the children is explained by your solicitor as part of the court process; and The court looks at whether a finding of fact hearing is needed to decide on the domestic abuse allegations before it makes orders under the Children Act.   If a finding of abuse is made then the court should only make a child arrangements order and contact with the abusive parent if the court believes that the physical and emotional safety of you and your children can be protected before, during and after the contact.   Many divorcing partners are adamant that they want their children to see their other parent, notwithstanding the fact that there has been abuse within the relationship. That is because they want their children to have a relationship with both parents. If you are satisfied that the children will be safe during contact then it is then essential to ensure that you are also safe during the handover of the children for contact. For example, you may not want your abusive partner coming to the house to collect the children but would prefer a neutral handover where there is less chance that your partner will ‘kick off’ or say anything that will upset the children.   A specialist Cheshire divorce solicitor can either represent you in court proceedings for a child arrangements order so that your children live with you, or to stop or limit contact or can help you negotiate the parenting arrangements on a short term and long term basis. [related_posts] Leaving an abusive partner and getting a financial settlement It is natural to worry that even if you are safely able to leave an abusive partner that they will make sure that you ‘end up with nothing’. Cheshire divorce solicitors are experts in making sure that not only are you protected from an abusive partner but that you also receive a fair financial settlement and that you are not bullied or coerced into accepting less than you need or are entitled to.   Divorce solicitors can either negotiate with your ex-partner or start financial court proceedings . Whether you negotiate or start court proceedings the important thing is that you have a solicitor on your side making sure you have the information and financial disclosure orders necessary to make financial decisions and that any financial settlement is reality tested to make sure that the financial court order meets your needs and is capable of enforcement if your partner remains difficult and uncooperative.   Abusive partners tend to be bullies and don’t want or like anyone standing up to them. Courts don’t like bullies so whether you are being physically assaulted, emotionally abused or financially controlled there is help available from Cheshire divorce solicitors and the family court, for example help to: Physically protect you – through the making of non-molestation and occupation injunction orders; Financially protect you – through the making of child support, spousal maintenance , property and pension orders and orders to enforce compliance if your abusive partner won't comply with court orders; Protect the family – through child arrangements orders to ensure your children are safe.   Evolve Family Law solicitors are approachable and friendly. We provide the expert divorce, children and financial settlement advice that you need when you are separating from an abusive partner and need someone on your side.  Contact us today and let us help you.

When it comes to pension rights and answering the question ‘do I have to share my pension if I divorce,’ the frustrating response to hear from a Manchester divorce solicitor is that there isn’t a yes or no answer to your pension rights question. In this blog we look at just how complicated it can be to unravel pension rights on divorce and answer some of the common questions that are raised by husbands or wives worried about the thought of having to share their pension on divorce.   Pension and divorce experts Our Manchester divorce solicitors are often told by husbands or wives that their pension can't be shared on the breakdown of their relationship for a whole variety of reasons including: The pension can't be touched until I retire so can't be shared now The pension was started before the marriage The pension is linked to the family business You can't share a final salary pension on divorce The pension isn’t valuable enough to share on divorce My employer won't let me share my work pension on divorce Pensions can't be shared if you are in a civil partnership and not married.   All of those are wrong! If you start off on ‘the wrong foot’ with misinformation about pension rights on divorce it is very easy to either: Believe your pension can't be touched and therefore be unwilling to negotiate on pension rights and divorce Assume that your husband or wife's pension can't be worth much and is incapable of being divided or shared until you both reach retirement age.   To avoid reaching fixed views on pension rights and divorce it is best to take early legal advice from Manchester divorce solicitors and financial advice so you know where you stand legally and financially. Early advice means neither of you should have entrenched pension positions and be more open to negotiating a financial settlement that may or may not involve sharing pensions.   Joint pensions Many husband and wife's assume that their pension is a joint pension with their spouse. A Manchester divorce solicitor or financial advisor will tell you that a pension is only legally owned by one party so technically the pension will belong to you or to your spouse. Even though you may or may not own the pension, on divorce most pensions are capable of being shared so that the non-owning husband or wife gets a share of the pension.   Pensions can be a complex topic as there are so many different types of pension. You may be adamant that your pension is joint with your husband or wife because: You are both shareholders and company directors in a family business and have a pension linked to the business You both set up private pension schemes at the same time You have property or land owned in a pension fund.   No pension is a jointly legally owned asset. Even if you and your spouse both have funds in a SIPP or own a business property within a pension fund you will both have individual shares in the pension pot.   Although pensions are not joint assets because they are not legally owned by both of you they will normally be taken into account in any divorce financial settlement and can be shared or the pension value offset against the value of other family assets. Are pensions ever ignored in divorce financial settlements? In most separations and divorces pensions are not ignored in the divorce financial settlement. That is because the pension is often the most valuable asset after the equity in the family home.   There are a few limited family scenarios where the value of the pension won't feature highly, for example: A young couple with no children A very short marriage with no prior period of cohabitation before marriage and no children A marriage where the husband and wife agreed to ignore the value of pension assets if they separated or divorced by signing a prenuptial agreement or a postnuptial agreement. This is OK if the terms of the prenuptial agreement or postnuptial agreement meets the needs of the husband and wife.   Are pensions always shared equally? Pension assets may not be shared at all, for example, you may agree or the family court may order that one of you gets a bigger share of other assets, such as the equity in the family home or savings.   If you do agree to a pension share or the financial court order includes a pension sharing order then your husband or wife could get a percentage from one to a hundred percent of your pension fund.   The court is more likely to make a financial court order that includes pension sharing where: The value of the pension funds makes it worthwhile to share the pension. If the pension only has a small value then the administrative costs of sharing the pension may not be justified There are sufficient assets to not require one of you to need to receive all or the majority of the equity in the family home to rehouse yourself and to offset the value of the pension.   Even if you and your spouse or the family court orders that a pension is split equally between husband and wife that doesn’t necessarily mean that you will both get the same amount of pension income from your equal share of the pension fund. The pension income differential can be down to age or gender. That is why many Manchester divorce solicitors and family courts prefer to arrange for pensions to be shared to achieve equality of pension income on retirement rather than a straight equal division of the capital value of the pension fund.   How to value a pension in a divorce financial settlement It is often thought by a husband or wife that valuing a pension in divorce and financial settlement proceedings is easy as you can just rely on the annual statement that pension administrators provide. Most of these annual pension statements will include what is said to be the ‘cash transfer value’ of the pension fund.   If the fund value of the pension is accurate then you may think it is a straight forward process to either agree a pension offsetting figure (the amount that one of you will receive for not getting a share of the pension) or agree the percentage of the pension share. However, the cash transfer value of a pension can be wildly inaccurate or misleading. For example, two pensions may both have a cash transfer value of £500,000. You would assume therefore that as both pensions are worth the same amount they will produce the same pension income on retirement. That’s not the case because one pension may be a final salary pension and the other a personal pension or a SIPP.   Getting expert legal advice and actuarial pension advice can be crucial in helping you: Accurately value your pension assets Reach a fair financial settlement.   Can I ring fence my pension and leave it out of the financial settlement? Manchester divorce solicitors are often asked if pensions can be kept out of divorce financial settlements. Even if you both agree to ignore the value of a pension the asset still needs to be disclosed. A husband and wife are under a duty to provide full financial disclosure. Failure to give information about your pension isn’t in your interests. If you do not disclose an asset then any agreement or financial court order could potentially be overturned at a later date because of the lack of full and accurate financial disclosure.   It therefore pays to disclose the existence of all assets, including pensions, even if you and your spouse chose to ignore the value of the pension in your financial settlement negotiations.   Many husband's and wife's struggle with the idea that the value of their pension may not be ignored in the financial settlement, even though: They started the pension before the marriage and all the pension contributions were made prior to the marriage Their pension is in payment Their spouse is in a new relationship and so they don’t think that he/she needs a share of their pension They signed a prenuptial agreement to say that the value of a pension would be ignored.   Whilst all of the above point are very valid, a family court looks at a range of factors when deciding whether or not to make a pension sharing order as part of a financial settlement. For example, the court will look at both a husband's and wife's needs including pension income needs but will also factor in the length of your marriage, your ages and any pre-marriage contributions or wealth and the existence of any prenuptial agreement or postnuptial agreement.     When is a pension shared? Many husband's and wife's are very keen to avoid a financial settlement that includes a pension sharing order because they mistakenly believe that their spouse will continue to receive the benefit of their hard work and ongoing pension contributions and pension growth from the date of the financial settlement until eventual retirement and pension draw down. That isn’t the case.   If you agree to your pension being shared or the court makes a pension sharing order after a contested financial settlement court hearing then: The pension sharing order will be implemented after the pension administrators receive the financial court order, pension sharing order annex and the decree absolute of divorce. The pension administrator has four months from receipt of the relevant paperwork to implement the pension sharing order Once the pension sharing order has been implemented there will be two separate pension pots (assuming there isn’t a one hundred percent pension sharing order) and any future pension contributions made by you after the order has been implemented will be credited against your pension pot and you will get the benefit of all the pension and investment growth in your pension pot In most cases you will be able to decide when to take your pension completely independently of when your former husband or wife choses to retire and get the pension income from their share of the pension. The position is more complicated if your pension pot consists of property and is a Self-invested pension plans (SIPPs) or is a Small self-administered schemes (SSASs). It is also sensible to take detailed advice about the earliest date you will be able to take the pension income as the pension rules may be different for you and your former spouse and it is best to be fully informed before agreeing to a pension sharing order.   [related_posts] Should I pension share or pension offset? The question of whether you should pension share or offset is really down to your priorities. However, if you are not able to reach a financial settlement with your husband or wife by agreement then the decision over whether to pension share or pension offset may be taken out of your hands as a family judge will decide how your assets , including pensions, should be divided.   If you agree to a pension offset then the value of the pension is offset against other assets owned jointly or individually. This may be vital to you if your priority is to stay in the family home or to keep your shareholding in the family business or family farm. Equally, it can be short sighted to ‘put all your eggs in one basket’ and just get equity in the family home rather than a share of your spouse’s pension.   You may think that, in time, you can downsize and get money out of the family home to fund your retirement. However, the cash from the sale of a family home may not generate anywhere near as much in pension income as a share in your spouse’s final salary pension scheme would have.   Alternatively, you may be adamant that you want to keep one hundred percent of your pension because you realise just how valuable your National Health Service, police, fire service or final salary pension is in comparison to the income you could realistically generate from the pension offsetting figure. However, you may benefit from reality testing your plan to keep all your pension and get less or no equity from the family home as that may mean you struggle to rehouse yourself so you are asset poor and pension rich. All very well for the future, but does it mean you will have a tough time of it until your hoped for retirement and is it worth it?   When it comes to pensions and divorce financial settlements there are always choices to be made, from how you value the pension to whether you share or offset the pension. Taking expert legal advice from Manchester divorce solicitors can help you make informed choices, looking at the short and long term needs of you and your family.   Whitefield based Evolve Family Law solicitors are approachable and friendly, providing pragmatic expert divorce, pension and financial settlement solutions. Contact us today and let us help you.

I have considerable experience in divorcing a narcissist. That’s because as a Cheshire divorce solicitor many people ask me for help in sorting out their separation or divorce. Some family clients tell me at our first meeting that their husband or wife has a narcissistic personality disorder. Other clients think that their husband or wife behaves unreasonably and that their spouse has some of the traits of a narcissist. Dealing with a spouse with a narcissistic personality is difficult, especially when you are trying to divorce and move on with your life. That’s why it helps if your solicitor has experience of divorcing a narcissist. Is my spouse a narcissist? In any blog on divorcing a narcissist, it is important to look at some of the essential traits of a narcissist to help you understand if your spouse has narcissistic personality characteristics.   The Oxford dictionary defines a narcissist as a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. Narcissists are said to have the following personality traits: A sense of self-importance; A sense of entitlement; Requiring praise and attention; Willing to exploit and use others without feeling a sense of guilt or shame; Able to demean and belittle other people without worrying about the impact of their behaviour; Able to live in their own fantasy world where they are the centre of attention.   Do any of those traits sound like your husband or wife? If so, you may need help from a counsellor or, if you have decided to separate or divorce, from a specialist Cheshire divorce solicitor. Getting divorced from a narcissist It is stressful going through a divorce, even when it is amicable. However, when your husband or wife is a narcissist it can feel as if there is no escape from your marriage. There is, but you will need support, both legal and emotional.   If you are married to someone who exhibits narcissistic traits or has a narcissistic personality disorder then you have to accept that your husband or wife won't think that they are at fault or that anything they do is wrong. It is therefore pretty futile to have direct discussions on the reasons behind why you want to get divorced in the hope that they will understand your point of view. If they are a narcissist they won't.   Any discussion about your marriage and separation will be turned by your husband or wife into a tirade on looking at the impact of what is happening on them, rather than the impact on you or the children. If you have the sort of personality that gets stressed or you know you will end up too frazzled to deal with the separation if your spouse starts to belittle you, then it may be best to leave things in the hands of your divorce solicitor. A solicitor who has experience with narcissistic personality disorders and divorce will have the strategies to be able to sort out your separation and divorce. Divorce proceedings and narcissists If you are married to a narcissist then you can be confident that you will have the grounds to start divorce proceedings against them. That is because, under current divorce law, you can start divorce proceedings if your marriage has irretrievably broken down and your husband or wife has behaved unreasonably.   What counts as unreasonable behaviour is the typical behaviour of a narcissist. For example: Belittling you in front of friends or family; or Not being willing to share household tasks; or Prioritising themselves and their interests above anyone else , including the children; or Not being willing to listen to you; or Making you feel at fault, for example, by saying you are the one who is mentally ill or who is a poor parent.   Divorcing someone with a narcissistic personality disorder isn’t easy. Often they will say that the marriage hasn’t irretrievably broken down (when it clearly has) or they will deny all responsibility for their behaviour and say that they will defend the divorce proceedings. If you are dealing with a narcissist husband or wife you need a strong, no-nonsense solicitor on your side who won't get caught up in your spouse’s tirades but instead will focus on your divorce and sorting out the arrangements for the children and the financial settlement. Getting help with a narcissist spouse When you are separating or getting divorced from a narcissist spouse then you need all the legal and emotional support you can get. Your friends and family may not realise what you have been through and are currently coping with. That is because your spouse may present a ‘front’ to the outside world where he/ she appears charming and worried about you and your ‘breakdown’.   First and foremost there is no point in challenging what your spouse is saying to friends and family. If you do then it is only likely to fuel matters as your husband or wife won't be able to see the error of their ways as they are only able to see things from their perspective. That can be very hard for you to cope with. That’s why seeing a counsellor or therapist can really help you see the situation you are in for what it is, rather than accepting your spouse’s interpretation of events based on their fantasy world where you are the only one at fault. Divorce and the narcissist parent When you are divorcing a husband or wife with narcissist traits or who has a narcissistic personality disorder it is easy to feel very guilty about your children and in a quandary about what to do about childcare arrangements. Whilst your spouse is only likely to be interested in themselves, they may ask the court to order that the children live with him or her as part of their mind control games or because they know their stance will frighten you.   Whilst it can be tempting to say that a parent with a narcissistic personality disorder should not have contact with their children after the separation or divorce this may not be realistic. For example, older children may want ongoing contact with the other parent or you may need help with childcare. What’s more if you say that you do not want your child to have contact with the other parent they may raise accusations of parental alienation although all you are trying to do is to protect your child from a parent with a narcissistic personality disorder.   If you and your spouse end up in court over the childcare arrangements it is important that: Your husband or wife's narcissistic traits are outlined neutrally; and The impact of their behaviour on you and your children is fully explained. That is important because many of the behaviours of a narcissist amount to abuse, such as controlling or coercive behaviour.   In children court proceedings a court has to carefully consider any allegations of domestic abuse . Abuse includes emotional abuse or psychological abuse of you or the children. If a finding of abuse is made then the court should only make a child arrangements order and contact with the narcissistic parent if the court is satisfied that the physical and emotional safety of the child and the parent with whom the child lives can, as far as possible, be secured before, during and after the contact.   An experienced Cheshire divorce solicitor can put the case in children proceedings for expert reports on a parent with narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic traits. A psychologist or other expert can be asked to report on either the parent or on the whole family and assess the impact of the narcissistic parent’s behaviour on you and the children.   Many divorcing partners are wary about labelling a narcissistic parent an ‘abuser’ but it is important to recognise that abuse isn’t just physical and the effects of coercive and controlling behaviour can be insidious on you and your children. A specialist Cheshire divorce solicitor can help you recognise that and work out childcare arrangements that best protect your children or can robustly represent you in court proceedings. [related_posts] How to get a financial settlement from a narcissist Normally a Cheshire divorce solicitor will recommend that they negotiate with your spouse to reach a financial settlement. If your spouse is a narcissist or has a narcissistic personality disorder then the advice may be different. That’s because it can be impossible to negotiate with a narcissist as they always think they are right and can't see anyone else’s point of view, other than their own. To the narcissist it is all about their financial wants and needs and not yours or the children’s needs.   If you start financial court proceedings there is a court timetable put in place so your spouse can't delay or prevaricate and the judge can ultimately decide on what financial orders are made. No one likes to think that a judge will take control of the family finances and make a financial court order deciding whether, for example, the family home should be sold or if you should get a share of the pension or the family business. However, when you are dealing with a narcissist there may be little alternative as your spouse won't be prepared to compromise.   You may think that you know your spouse and that even if the family judge makes an order to transfer the family home into your sole name that your spouse will not sign the paperwork to do so. The court is used to dealing with spouses who won't co-operate so, if necessary, the judge can sign the property paperwork on behalf of your spouse. The court also has the power to make financial disclosure orders and to draw adverse inferences if your spouse just won't accept the authority of the court.   Narcissistic spouses like to think that they are very powerful, during the relationship and during the divorce, children and financial proceedings. That is why it is so important that you chose a divorce solicitor who won't be intimidated or fazed by your spouse’s behaviour. Instead your divorce solicitor will focus on securing your divorce and obtaining children and financial court orders that best meet yours and your children’s needs.   Evolve Family Law solicitors are approachable and friendly providing expert divorce, children and financial settlement advice with experience in handling divorces where a spouse has a narcissistic personality disorder.  Contact us today and let us help you