Tips on Dealing With an Unreasonable Ex in Your Divorce

Do you need help with your divorce or in sorting out a financial settlement or child residence and contact arrangements for your children? In an ideal world, you would reach an agreement with your ex but that may not be possible if they are being unreasonable.

Our family law solicitors offer some tips on how to handle an unreasonable ex in a divorce.

For expert advice call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form. 

Divorce proceedings and unreasonable behaviour 

You used to have to say that an ex had behaved unreasonably to help you secure a divorce. That is no longer necessary as the government has introduced no-fault divorce proceedings so all you now need to say is that your marriage has broken down irretrievably without needing to explain why. 

Although you no longer need to prove unreasonable behaviour to get a divorce the issue of an ex behaving unreasonably is still highly relevant.

Is your ex behaving unreasonably?

It is worth asking yourself if your ex is behaving unreasonably as sometimes you can lose perspective. That may be because you have been subject to so much emotional abuse during your relationship that you think that your ex’s behaviour is normal rather than coercive and controlling. Alternatively, you may want to stay in the family home and can’t see your ex’s point of view that if you don’t sell the property and split the equity, they won’t be able to afford anywhere to live or their argument that it would therefore be reasonable for you to downsize.

A family law solicitor can help you look at whether your ex’s behaviour is acceptable or not. If your ex has a reasonable case to put forward then there should be some prospect of your being able to reach a parenting agreement or financial settlement through solicitor negotiation or family mediation.

Saying what behaviour is unreasonable or not is always difficult as so much depends on context. A spouse leaving the family home and disappearing without explanation and not sorting out child contact seems unreasonable but may be wholly justified if the spouse is fleeing domestic violence and needs to get themselves and the children to a place of safety and secure an injunction order before they can even consider if contact can be managed safely.

Examples of unreasonable behaviour by an ex

Our family law solicitors come across many examples of unreasonable behaviour when assisting with divorce, children law or financial settlement negotiations or proceedings, such as:

• Complete refusal to provide financial disclosure so your only option is to start financial proceedings and get orders for financial disclosure because you can’t reach a fair financial settlement unless you know the extent of your ex’s assets and income
• An ex-partner transferring assets to their parents or siblings to try and keep the assets out of the financial settlement 
• Refusing to agree to any contact with the children without any good grounds to stop or restrict contact and when the children are keen to see you with your ex knowing that it will take you a while to get a child arrangement order 
• Refusing to return the acknowledgement form in no-fault divorce proceedings – you can still get divorced but it takes a bit longer
• After the court has made an order for the sale of the family home refusing to agree to viewings or being unwilling to listen to advice from the estate agent about the sale price. You can still get the family home sold but you may need to apply back to court for another order to implement the sale and to ask the court to order that your ex pays the extra costs associated with that hearing

Tips on dealing with an unreasonable ex during your divorce

The first advice on dealing with an unreasonable ex is to privately acknowledge to yourself that your ex’s unreasonable behaviour just confirms that separation and divorce are the right options for you.  Our other tips are:

1. Take advice and don’t accept unreasonable behaviour by your ex as ‘just your ex’ and how they behave
2. Get your family law solicitor to write to your ex and explain the consequences of their behaviour. For example, transferring assets to third parties will result in a freezing injunction order application and you asking the court to order that your ex pays the costs of the injunction application and make adverse inferences in the financial settlement proceedings about his actions and financial nondisclosure  
3. Make sure you get the support you need. That could be from family, friends or a counsellor  
4. Take a long-term view on dealing with your ex as their game plan may be to behave so badly that you are deterred from applying for a child arrangement order as you think it will be pointless or to make you think that you may as well accept the financial settlement they are offering as the ex is being so difficult about financial disclosure 
5. Think about your children– if you cannot battle on for yourself then we recommend that you do so for your children as they will be the ones affected by the parenting arrangements or by an unfair financial settlement that means you can’t support them in the way you should have been able to do so   

At some point, you will either need to reach an agreement or secure a court order but your ex’s unreasonable behaviour should not dictate the agreement or orders made.

For expert advice call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form.