Divorcing a Narcissist
I have considerable experience in divorcing a narcissist. That’s because as a Cheshire divorce solicitor many people ask me for help in sorting out their separation or divorce. Some family clients tell me at our first meeting that their husband or wife has a narcissistic personality disorder. Other clients think that their husband or wife behaves unreasonably and that their spouse has some of the traits of a narcissist. Dealing with a spouse with a narcissistic personality is difficult, especially when you are trying to divorce and move on with your life. That’s why it helps if your solicitor has experience of divorcing a narcissist.
Is my spouse a narcissist?
In any blog on divorcing a narcissist, it is important to look at some of the essential traits of a narcissist to help you understand if your spouse has narcissistic personality characteristics.
The Oxford dictionary defines a narcissist as a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. Narcissists are said to have the following personality traits:
A sense of self-importance;
A sense of entitlement;
Requiring praise and attention;
Willing to exploit and use others without feeling a sense of guilt or shame;
Able to demean and belittle other people without worrying about the impact of their behaviour;
Able to live in their own fantasy world where they are the centre of attention.
Do any of those traits sound like your husband or wife? If so, you may need help from a counsellor or, if you have decided to separate or divorce, from a specialist Cheshire divorce solicitor.
Getting divorced from a narcissist
It is stressful going through a divorce, even when it is amicable. However, when your husband or wife is a narcissist it can feel as if there is no escape from your marriage. There is, but you will need support, both legal and emotional.
If you are married to someone who exhibits narcissistic traits or has a narcissistic personality disorder then you have to accept that your husband or wife won't think that they are at fault or that anything they do is wrong. It is therefore pretty futile to have direct discussions on the reasons behind why you want to get divorced in the hope that they will understand your point of view. If they are a narcissist they won't.
Any discussion about your marriage and separation will be turned by your husband or wife into a tirade on looking at the impact of what is happening on them, rather than the impact on you or the children. If you have the sort of personality that gets stressed or you know you will end up too frazzled to deal with the separation if your spouse starts to belittle you, then it may be best to leave things in the hands of your divorce solicitor. A solicitor who has experience with narcissistic personality disorders and divorce will have the strategies to be able to sort out your separation and divorce.
Divorce proceedings and narcissists
If you are married to a narcissist then you can be confident that you will have the grounds to start divorce proceedings against them. That is because, under current divorce law, you can start divorce proceedings if your marriage has irretrievably broken down and your husband or wife has behaved unreasonably.
What counts as unreasonable behaviour is the typical behaviour of a narcissist. For example:
Belittling you in front of friends or family; or
Not being willing to share household tasks; or
Prioritising themselves and their interests above anyone else , including the children; or
Not being willing to listen to you; or
Making you feel at fault, for example, by saying you are the one who is mentally ill or who is a poor parent.
Divorcing someone with a narcissistic personality disorder isn’t easy. Often they will say that the marriage hasn’t irretrievably broken down (when it clearly has) or they will deny all responsibility for their behaviour and say that they will defend the divorce proceedings. If you are dealing with a narcissist husband or wife you need a strong, no-nonsense solicitor on your side who won't get caught up in your spouse’s tirades but instead will focus on your divorce and sorting out the arrangements for the children and the financial settlement.
Getting help with a narcissist spouse
When you are separating or getting divorced from a narcissist spouse then you need all the legal and emotional support you can get. Your friends and family may not realise what you have been through and are currently coping with. That is because your spouse may present a ‘front’ to the outside world where he/ she appears charming and worried about you and your ‘breakdown’.
First and foremost there is no point in challenging what your spouse is saying to friends and family. If you do then it is only likely to fuel matters as your husband or wife won't be able to see the error of their ways as they are only able to see things from their perspective. That can be very hard for you to cope with. That’s why seeing a counsellor or therapist can really help you see the situation you are in for what it is, rather than accepting your spouse’s interpretation of events based on their fantasy world where you are the only one at fault.
Divorce and the narcissist parent
When you are divorcing a husband or wife with narcissist traits or who has a narcissistic personality disorder it is easy to feel very guilty about your children and in a quandary about what to do about childcare arrangements. Whilst your spouse is only likely to be interested in themselves, they may ask the court to order that the children live with him or her as part of their mind control games or because they know their stance will frighten you.
Whilst it can be tempting to say that a parent with a narcissistic personality disorder should not have contact with their children after the separation or divorce this may not be realistic. For example, older children may want ongoing contact with the other parent or you may need help with childcare. What’s more if you say that you do not want your child to have contact with the other parent they may raise accusations of parental alienation although all you are trying to do is to protect your child from a parent with a narcissistic personality disorder.
If you and your spouse end up in court over the childcare arrangements it is important that:
Your husband or wife's narcissistic traits are outlined neutrally; and
The impact of their behaviour on you and your children is fully explained. That is important because many of the behaviours of a narcissist amount to abuse, such as controlling or coercive behaviour.
In children court proceedings a court has to carefully consider any allegations of domestic abuse . Abuse includes emotional abuse or psychological abuse of you or the children. If a finding of abuse is made then the court should only make a child arrangements order and contact with the narcissistic parent if the court is satisfied that the physical and emotional safety of the child and the parent with whom the child lives can, as far as possible, be secured before, during and after the contact.
An experienced Cheshire divorce solicitor can put the case in children proceedings for expert reports on a parent with narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic traits. A psychologist or other expert can be asked to report on either the parent or on the whole family and assess the impact of the narcissistic parent’s behaviour on you and the children.
Many divorcing partners are wary about labelling a narcissistic parent an ‘abuser’ but it is important to recognise that abuse isn’t just physical and the effects of coercive and controlling behaviour can be insidious on you and your children. A specialist Cheshire divorce solicitor can help you recognise that and work out childcare arrangements that best protect your children or can robustly represent you in court proceedings.
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How to get a financial settlement from a narcissist
Normally a Cheshire divorce solicitor will recommend that they negotiate with your spouse to reach a financial settlement. If your spouse is a narcissist or has a narcissistic personality disorder then the advice may be different. That’s because it can be impossible to negotiate with a narcissist as they always think they are right and can't see anyone else’s point of view, other than their own. To the narcissist it is all about their financial wants and needs and not yours or the children’s needs.
If you start financial court proceedings there is a court timetable put in place so your spouse can't delay or prevaricate and the judge can ultimately decide on what financial orders are made. No one likes to think that a judge will take control of the family finances and make a financial court order deciding whether, for example, the family home should be sold or if you should get a share of the pension or the family business. However, when you are dealing with a narcissist there may be little alternative as your spouse won't be prepared to compromise.
You may think that you know your spouse and that even if the family judge makes an order to transfer the family home into your sole name that your spouse will not sign the paperwork to do so. The court is used to dealing with spouses who won't co-operate so, if necessary, the judge can sign the property paperwork on behalf of your spouse. The court also has the power to make financial disclosure orders and to draw adverse inferences if your spouse just won't accept the authority of the court.
Narcissistic spouses like to think that they are very powerful, during the relationship and during the divorce, children and financial proceedings. That is why it is so important that you chose a divorce solicitor who won't be intimidated or fazed by your spouse’s behaviour. Instead your divorce solicitor will focus on securing your divorce and obtaining children and financial court orders that best meet yours and your children’s needs.
Evolve Family Law solicitors are approachable and friendly providing expert divorce, children and financial settlement advice with experience in handling divorces where a spouse has a narcissistic personality disorder. Contact us today and let us help you
Louise Halford
Nov 23, 2019
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9 minute read
Divorce and the Family Farm
A divorce can be traumatic but when a divorce occurs in a farming family, it can be particularly tough when the farm is not only the family business but also the family home.
In my experience as a family finance and divorce solicitor in Whitefield and Cheshire it is not uncommon for spouses to stay in unhappy relationships for fear of separating and the consequences on the family farm.
Some may question why divorce and a family farm are different to any other type of divorce. After all every divorce can be painful. However, with divorce and the family farm, often the farm has been in the family for generations. There is therefore great sentimental attachment to the farmhouse and land. Not only that, the farm is normally both the family home and the source of income for all the family, including extended family.
Adding to the complexities, the farm or some of the land could be owned by the older generation or parents may be paid an income out of farm profits as a means of providing a pension after they have transferred ownership of the family farm to a son or daughter.
Therefore, where do you start when facing the prospect of a divorce and sorting out what happens with the family farm.
In an ideal world, a farming family takes advice before handing over ownership of the family farm to a son or daughter. Often a farming family is told by a private client solicitor that it is tax efficient to transfer ownership of the farm to the younger generation to minimise the payment of inheritance tax. That is all very well but unless specialist family legal advice is taken the family may be reducing the risk of paying a big inheritance tax bill but exposing the family farm to divorce claims.
Some farmers think that if the family farm has been gifted or inherited it will automatically be ring-fenced from any financial claims on divorce. That is not the case.
Even if an asset is:
Owned in the sole name of one spouse; and
Was owned by the spouse prior to the marriage ;and
Has been in the family ownership for a long time
Divorce financial claims can be made against the asset. In a farming family, the asset in question is normally the farm and land.
When a couple get divorced all the assets they own, individually or jointly, are taken into account when negotiating a financial settlement or the court makes a financial court order.
Although the court will factor in the relevance of a family farm having been inherited or gifted by a husband or wife the court has to look at the husband and wife's needs and, most importantly, the needs of any children.
Prenuptial Agreements and the Family Farm
If a family own a farm and want to leave it as a legacy or gift to a son or daughter the best option to protect the family farm from divorce claims is for prenuptial agreements to be signed at the time of any marriage.
Although the prenuptial agreement can try to ring-fence the family farm from any financial claims in divorce, whether or not the prenuptial agreement will work fully depends on the family needs at the time of the divorce and the availability of other assets to meet divorce financial claims.
In any family situation involving a family farm, divorce solicitors recommend legal advice is taken on the benefits and potential disadvantages of a gift or transfer before the family farm is transferred to a son or daughter. Advice can then be taken on the option of a prenuptial agreement or, if they are already married a post nuptial agreement .
Divorce and the Family Farm
If you are getting divorced and one of you owns a family farm then it is particularly important that both husband and wife get expert legal advice from specialist divorce and family finance solicitors.
It is likely to be the case that the farm owner wants to keep the farm and the spouse that does not own the farm wants it to be sold to raise money to buy a house to rehome him or her. There may be mention of the land’s increased value if farm buildings or land could potentially get outline planning permission so it can be developed for housing.
In any divorce and financial proceedings, assets need to be valued. That applies just as much when the asset is a family farm. A specialist valuation will be needed to look at the value of the farm and land as well as any ‘’hope’’ value in relation to planning permission and development opportunities or the sale of part of the acreage. In addition, the value of the farm asset will depend on the income produced.
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If a farm is owned in the sole name of a husband or wife (rather than ownership being shared with parents and siblings) then it may be possible to sell part of the land or a farm building or to raise capital by mortgage to meet a husband or wife's divorce financial claims.
When it comes to a family farm and divorce, the court may view the family farm as a non-matrimonial asset and hence will not say that the value should be shared equally between the husband and wife. However, the bottom line is that a husband or wife may get an award that affects the family farm if it is the only way that their housing and other needs can be met.
When a divorce solicitor is giving legal advice to either a farmer or their spouse the aim is to achieve a financial solution that provides a home for the husband, wife, and children and ideally does not affect the continued viability of the working farm. This can require creative resolutions to secure the family farm for future generations.
For help with divorce and financial claims or prenuptial or postnuptial agreements please contact our expert family lawyers
Robin Charrot
Nov 18, 2019
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6 minute read
How Do You Remove an Executor From a Will?
If you have inherited a legacy, whether it is a part share in a house or a cash gift, you are reliant on the executors of an estate to sort out Probate , gather in the assets and then distribute the assets in accordance with the deceased’s Will.
The Executor of a Will
The executors of a Will are people chosen by the deceased to handle their Will. The executors could be family members, friends or professionals, such as a solicitor, accountant or the bank.
If the executors are friends or family of the deceased then the executors can hand over a lot of the responsibility for sorting out the deceased’s estate by instructing a probate solicitor to administer the probate and the sale of assets and the distribution of legacies to beneficiaries. Most lay people take this option as they are honouring the appointment made in the deceased’s Will but not leaving themselves open to criticisms about delays in payment of legacies or problems with securing probate.
However, a friend or family member appointed as an executor may not get on with the other executors or with the beneficiaries. The executor may say that they want to sort out the probate themselves, leaving the beneficiaries fearing there will be a delay in sorting out the estate and payment of legacies. In other situations, the deceased may have appointed a bank as his or her executor not appreciating that the bank’s charges for handling the estate may be a lot more than a local Cheshire probate solicitor. The additional administrative charges might be an issue for the beneficiaries as the costs of sorting out probate and administering the estate will be deducted from the estate before the residuary estate, after payment of any legacies, is divided between the residuary beneficiaries.
How do you Remove an Executor from a will?
If you think that an executor is not up to the job or you think that they are too slow or maybe acting improperly then a court application can be made. The court can make a wide range of orders including an order to remove an executor.
Cheshire probate solicitors normally recommend that you try to resolve the difficulties with an executor first before starting court proceedings. Sadly, that isn’t always possible and so, as a last resort, court proceedings can be started to secure an order to remove an executor.
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Avoiding Executor Problems
A good private client and Cheshire probate solicitor will discuss the choice of executors when preparing a Will. After all, it is important that the executors are not too elderly or frail to be up to the task and will be able to work with one another.
It is sometimes thought that it does not really matter who the executor is if the executors are just going to appoint a solicitor to sort out the estate for them. It is still important to choose your executors with care and to make sure that they are willing to undertake the task for you.
For assistance removing an executor or if you have any questions about probate or estate planning contact our expert family lawyers today
Chris Strogen
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3 minute read
What is a CAFCASS Report?
As a children solicitor, I hate abbreviations. I think they confuse parents and make children court proceedings seem more complicated than they really are.
If you are thinking about applying to the family court for a custody or access order (called in court language a child arrangements order ), you will come across the abbreviation ’’CAFCASS’’.
CAFCASS stands for ‘’the children and family court advisory and support service’’. I think most people would agree that is a bit of a mouthful.
A CAFCASS officer is called a variety of names, including family court reporter and CAFCASS worker or reporter. Many of the names are interchangeable, adding to parents’ confusion.
What is a CAFCASS Report?
A CAFCASS report is a report that is ordered by a family judge for use in children court proceedings.
The CAFCASS report can also be referred to as a ‘’section 7 report’’. This abbreviation relates to the section of the Children Act 1989 that authorises the production of reports.
Who Can Ask for a CAFCASS Report?
Many parents think that in all children court proceedings a CAFCASS report is prepared or that they can ask for a report. A CAFCASS report is not necessary in every children court case. Furthermore, only a family court judge can decide if a report should be obtained and how detailed the report should be.
A judge can ask that a CAFCASS report look into the children’s wishes and feelings or the judge can ask for a more detailed report asking the CAFCASS report writer to make recommendations about what he or she thinks would be best for the children.
A parent or their solicitor can ask a judge to order the preparation of a CAFCASS report at a first directions hearing of a children application. If you would like a CAFCASS report, careful representations have to be made as to why a report should be prepared.
If a judge does not follow the recommendations in a CAFCASS report, the judge has to explain why the recommendations have not been followed.
What Goes Into a CAFCASS Report?
A CAFCASS report writer will decide whom they need to speak to in order to prepare their report.
A CAFCASS report writer will speak to both parents and will normally speak to the children who are the subject of the court proceedings. A CAFCASS report writer may also speak to a nursery worker, teacher or other relevant professional.
A CAFCASS report writer will say what they think the child’s wishes and feelings are and may say what parenting arrangements would, in their opinion, be in the child’s best interests.
If facts are disputed, for example whether an incident of domestic violence took place, it is not the job of the CAFCASS report writer to decide whether the incident took place or not. That is the job of the family judge.
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How Does a CAFCASS Report Writer Interview a Child?
A CAFCASS report writer’s interview technique will depend on the age and understanding of the child and the family circumstances.
A CAFCASS report writer will not ask a child to decide between parents.
How Long Does a CAFCASS Report Take to Prepare?
The time that a CAFCASS report takes to prepare depends on what the judge asks the CAFCASS report writer to cover in the report and how busy the local CAFCASS service is.
Sometimes a judge will ask a CAFCASS report writer to prepare an interim report, for example on short-term contact arrangements until the final hearing of the children application.
On other occasions a judge may ask for a second CAFCASS report, often referred to as an ‘’addendum report’’.
Does a Judge Have to Agree with the Recommendations in a CAFCASS Report?
A judge does not have to agree with what the CAFCASS report says. However, a CAFCASS report is normally highly influential. In the vast majority of children court applications, the court will make parenting and child arrangements orders as recommended by the CAFCASS report.
For legal assistance responding to children court proceedings please contact our expert children lawyers today
Louise Halford
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4 minute read
Valuing Property in Your Divorce
If you have taken the decision to separate from a husband or wife, it is tempting to leave sorting out financial and property matters and things can drift. Alternatively, a husband or wife can rush into an agreement, often without first getting accurate or up to date valuations of property and other assets.
Which Property Should be Valued in Your Divorce?
It is assumed by a separating couple that only the family home needs to be valued as part of their separation or divorce. That is not necessarily correct, as it is important that all relevant property is valued.
What then is ‘’relevant property ’’ that should be valued? The honest answer from a Whitefield divorce solicitor is that it all depends on the individual personal and financial circumstances of a husband and wife. However, property can be relevant even if it is owned in the sole name of a husband or wife. Property does not have to be owned jointly to be relevant to divorce proceedings and form part of the family wealth and financial settlement options.
If a husband and wife are splitting up then consider valuing:
The family home ; and
Any second home or holiday home or chalet (including overseas property ) ; and
Buy to let property portfolio; and
Any property owned by a family business. This is because if the property is included in the company business accounts the company shares cannot be accurately valued unless there is an up to date valuation of the property ; and
Any property held within a pension fund, such as a SIPP. This is because the value of the pension fund cannot be accurately ascertained without an up to date value of the property held in the pension fund ; and
Property owned by a third party, for example a family member, if a husband or wife has a beneficial interest in the property.
An expert divorce solicitor will look at the financial disclosure and advise you on what property should be valued and talk to you about the best way to obtain accurate valuations. The solicitor’s advice may depend on a range of factors, for example, the length of the marriage or when a property was last valued. Sometimes an independent surveyor may have recently valued business or pension property for business related or pension administration purposes. That can mean that a further report is not necessary but careful thought should be given to the purpose of the original valuation and the reliance that can be placed upon it.
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Valuing Property in Financial Court Proceedings
The first step in reaching a financial settlement is to find out what the family home and other property and assets are worth. If property and assets are not accurately valued then the financial settlement can result in unfairness to either the husband or wife.
If a couple cannot agree on the value of a property value, a court can order a formal valuation by a surveyor who is a member of the Royal Institute of Chartered Surveyors.
Normally a family judge will say that one surveyor, jointly instructed by the husband and wife, should undertake a valuation of property for use in financial court proceedings. The main advantage of using one single joint expert is there are no conflicting opinions on a property value by different surveyors and costs do not escalate by surveyors going to court hearings to justify their different property valuations.
A single joint expert is:
Independent of both husband and wife ;
Will not of had undisclosed prior dealings with either the husband , wife or the property ; and
Not influenced by whether the property is owned jointly or by the husband or wife or jointly with a third party. This is because the expert is focussed on the value of the property and not its ownership; and
Under professional and court rules on reporting duties to ensure that the report is independent and impartial.
Specialist Whitefield divorce solicitors also recommend that you take advice on the tax implications of the sale or transfer of property so that the tax bill can be factored into the financial settlement to achieve a fair net result.
A divorcing couple can worry about the cost of getting legal advice, property valuations and tax advice. However, given the importance of knowing how much property and assets are worth before looking at the wide range of property solutions, it is always sensible to get expert advice before deciding what to do. The cost of this advice and preparing any legal documentation is tiny compared to the cost and stress involved if something goes wrong without the right valuations and documentation in place.
For legal assistance with divorce financial settlements and representation in financial court proceedings please contact our expert divorce lawyers today
Robin Charrot
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5 minute read
Can I Give Away My Inheritance?
It may seem a very odd thing to do but, in some personal and financial circumstances, the decision to give away an inheritance is the right thing to do.
Most people assume that if they have the good fortune to inherit something under a loved one’s Will or intestacy provision, they have to accept the legacy. This isn't always the case.
In an ideal world, it should not be necessary to consider giving away a legacy because the loved one would have left a Will, rather than dying intestate, or would have discussed the bequest in the Will and would have updated their Will.
However, what does happen if you receive a gift as part of an inheritance and you decide you do not want or need it? There are a number of circumstances where the beneficiary of a Will may not want to receive their inheritance, for example:
They may want to make provision for someone who has been excluded from the Will; or
They may want to give their share of the deceased’s estate to a family member who is not as financially well off as they are ; or
They may want to equalise the gifts if the testator has favoured them over other beneficiaries; or
They may wish to give all of their legacy or part of it to charity; or
They may want to make the Will tax efficient.
Deeds of Variation
In order to make changes to a Will after the death of the testator, a Deed of Variation should be drawn up.
So that the tax advantages from the Deed of Variation can be obtained, the document has to be signed and executed within two years of the date of death of the testator.
A Deed of Variation can be executed before or after the Grant of Probate or Letters of Administration (if the deceased died intestate without a Will) has been obtained. Any beneficiaries who are affected by change in Wills must agree and sign a Deed of Variation. Furthermore, all the personal representatives of the estate should also ideally sign the Deed of Variation.
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Who Can Sign a Deed of Variation?
If a beneficiary has capacity to make their own decisions then they have the authority to execute a Deed of Variation. A beneficiary under the age of eighteen cannot sign a Deed of Variation. No one else can sign a Deed of Variation on behalf of a minor child.
How Can a Deed of Variation Reduce Tax?
A Deed of Variation may be the answer if a Will has not been drawn properly to obtain the best tax treatment or the tax rules have changed. For example, executing a Deed of Variation may reduce the inheritance tax payable by:
Varying the gifts in a Will to leave money to charity. Any gift to charity does not attract an inheritance tax charge. If charities are left at least ten percent of the net estate then the estate can qualify for a reduced rate of inheritance tax of thirty-six percent, instead of forty percent;
If a husband or wife died without a Will, with children, the surviving wife, husband or civil partner will receive assets up to £250,000 and half the remainder of the estate. The other half of the estate would pass to the children. If the amount going to the children exceeds £325,000 then this will attract inheritance tax. A Deed of Variation can be signed so the entire estate passes to the surviving spouse or civil partner. If an estate passes to a surviving spouse or civil partner no inheritance tax is payable. The transferable nil-rate band can be utilised on the second death.
It pays to get legal advice on whether a Deed of Variation is a sensible option. Some may think that a Deed is unnecessary but with expert legal advice, it can save on inheritance tax and money to get a Deed of Variation drawn up.
For help preparing a Deed of Variation or drawing up a Will or estate planning please contact our expert family lawyers today
Chris Strogen
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4 minute read
What is a Specific Issue Order?
When parents cannot agree over the arrangements for their children after separation or divorce, they do not necessarily need to apply for custody or a child arrangements order. Instead, their legal remedy may be an application under the Children Act for a specific issue order.
What is a Specific Issue Order?
A specific issue order is an order made by a judge of the family court. The order decides an issue that is in dispute in connection with any aspect of the exercise of parental responsibility for a child.
It is hard to explain what a specific issue order is and what it is used for without using examples of situations where parents have applied to court for specific issue orders.
Examples of Specific Issue Orders
A family court judge can decide on almost any aspect of parental responsibility if a parent applies for a specific issue order.
The most frequent types of specific issue order applications are about:
Whether a child should be educated privately or state educated;
The specific choice of private school or nursery. To some parents a school’s education and examination record is the key factor in choice of school. However, to the other parent, the distance from home or the quality of pastoral care or the fact that they went to a particular school are the reasons why they are at loggerheads with the other parent over the choice of school;
Whether a child should observe a particular religion and attend religious ceremonies or go to a religious school;
Whether a child should follow a gluten free or meat free vegan or vegetarian diet ;
Whether a child should be baptised or circumcised ;
Whether a child should be allowed to change gender;
Whether a child should be immunised;
Whether a child should be given a new first name or surname ;
Whether a child should go to a family event, such as a second wedding or act as bridesmaid or pageboy.
There are many other specific issue order topics. That is because the ‘’burning issue’’ in every family or separated family is always different. Therefore specific issue order applications are as individual as the families who struggle to agree on parenting decisions.
How Do You Agree a Specific Issue?
The best children law solicitors will not just give you the option of applying to court for a specific issue order from a family judge. That is because there are alternative options to making an application to court for a specific issue order. For example, you could:
Have direct discussions ; with the help of a solicitor in the background;
Go to a round table solicitor meeting ;
Attend family mediation ;
Use family arbitration;
Attend family counselling.
In appropriate family cases, mediation or counselling sessions can involve the child if the child is old enough to express an opinion and the child’s parents and professionals think that involving the child in the discussion is right for the child.
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Deciding a Specific Issue Order Application
The way a judge decides a specific issue order application is no different to how a judge decides on a child arrangements order application. That is because the judge has to consider and apply the same welfare criteria to make a decision.
A judge decides a specific issue order application based on what the judge believes is in the child’s best interests. The judge must consider a number of statutory factors (known as the welfare checklist) when making court decisions about children.
The Children Act 1989 welfare checklist lists the factors that the judge considers, including:
The ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child concerned, in light of his or her age and understanding; and
The child’s physical, emotional and educational needs; and
The likely effect on the child of any change in his/her circumstances; and
The child’s age, sex, background and any characteristics the court considers relevant; and
Any harm which the child has suffered or is at risk of suffering; and
How capable each of the parents and any other person in relation to whom the court considers the question to be relevant is of meeting the child’s needs; and
The range of powers available to the court.
The judge will carry out an assessment, of what they believe to be best for the child after considering the evidence and the welfare checklist.
It is not unusual for parents who are living together or who are separated to fall out over a specific issue relating to the parenting of their child , for example one parent not wanting the child to meet the new partner of their former spouse. There is often no one right or wrong answer when it comes to a specific issue order, as in most cases both parents think their standpoint is in their child’s best interests.
If you cannot reach an agreement over a parenting decision then the best option is to take some legal advice so you know where you stand legally and whether a specific issue order is a reasonable step to take in the interests of your child.
For legal help with any aspect of children law please contact our expert children lawyers today
Louise Halford
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5 minute read
What Rights do Grandparents Have in a Divorce?
If your son or daughter is getting divorced then, as a grandparent, it is a traumatic time. You may not agree with your child’s decision to separate from their husband or wife or get on with their new partner. You may not like how your child is being used as a pawn by their warring parents. This blog looks at what rights grandparents have in a divorce.
Grandparents and Children Law
Cheshire children law solicitors have seen a marked rise in enquiries from grandparents wanting to know about their right to see their grandchildren following the separation or divorce of their son or daughter.
Children solicitors put the rise in enquiries about grandparent rights down to:
Grandparents having a better understanding that they do have some rights from organisations set up to help grandparents and from social media;
Grandparents being actively involved in bringing up their grandchildren and not wanting to lose contact or their close bond with their grandchild because of a divorce;
Newspaper reports about cases where grandparents have made successful applications to obtain family court orders to enable them to see their grandchildren and maintain their relationship with them.
Grandparent Rights
Some grandparents and parents assume that there is a special ‘’grandparent application’’ that a grandparent cam make to secure access to their grandchild. Top Cheshire family law solicitors say that there is no special application available for grandparents.
If a relative of a child wants to see a child and the parent or parents object to contact then the relative (including grandparents) can make an application to the family court under the Children Act 1989.
Normally a grandparent wants an order that they can see their grandchildren on a regular basis. This type of family court order used to be called an access order or contact order. The terminology has changed and if a grandparent wants access to or contact with a grandchild they need to apply to court for permission to apply for a child arrangements order .
When a grandparent finds out that they need to ask the court for permission to apply for a child arrangements order, the court process can seem unnecessarily complicated and cumbersome. After all, a parent or anyone else with parental responsibility for a child does not need to first ask the court if they can apply for an order. However, specialist children solicitors say that grandparents should not be put off from making a court application for a child arrangements order just because they need to ask for permission to apply for an order.
Applying for Permission
If a grandparent has had a close relationship with a grandchild and they are being stopped from spending any time with their grandchild then generally the court will grant permission to make the court application for a child arrangements order.
Once permission has been granted to apply for a child arrangements order then the court application will proceed in exactly the same way as a parent applying for contact or an order to see their child.
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Grandparents and Child Arrangements Orders
When a court is asked to make a child arrangements order it will look at whether or not the court thinks that the order being sought is in the child’s best interests, taking into account a range of factors known as the ‘’welfare checklist’’.
The court will undertake a similar exercise whether a parent, aunt, sibling or grandparent makes an application for a child arrangements order. However, courts do increasingly understand just how important a grandparent is in a child’s life and how vital it is for children to maintain a relationship with their extended family after a separation or divorce.
For legal assistance with grandparent rights please contact our expert children law solicitors today
Louise Halford
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4 minute read
How to Reduce the Stress of a Divorce
As leading Cheshire divorce solicitors, we are often asked if there is a simple hack to reduce the stress of a divorce. Many people thought that the government announcement that it intends to introduce ‘’no fault’’ divorce would result in less stressful divorces but most divorce solicitors say most of the stress of a divorce comes from:
Taking the initial decision on whether to separate or not;
Thinking about how you will tell the children about a planned separation or the decision to start divorce proceedings ;
Reaching an agreement about how much time the children will send in each household ;
Breaking the news of your decision to separate to close family or to mutual friends;
Worrying about how you will cope financially after a divorce ; that can either be immediate worries or long term concerns about the effect of getting divorced and the impact on your pension and retirement planning;
Concerns about whether or not you will need to move out of the family home and, if so, how that will affect the children, for example ease of getting to their current schools or seeing friends.
A good divorce solicitor will tell you that there is no one magic solution to reduce divorce stress, but some simple steps can help:
Take time for yourself
If you are facing a separation or divorce, you may be worried about how your children or family will react to the news. Often your wants and needs are low down on your list of priorities. Whilst that is understandable, it is not healthy. Whilst it is not legal advice, most good divorce solicitors would recommend that you take time for yourself, whether that is taking time for a chat with a friend or a trip to the gym.
Acknowledge how you are feeling
If you are feeling emotional or you think things feel out of control then speaking to a counsellor or to your doctor about how you are feeling can be a good option.
Limit social media
Social media and contact with friends via face book and other social media sites can be a comfort but it can equally be the major cause of divorce stress. That is because content and messaging, especially with a former partner, can quickly become overwhelming and distract you from the things that you do need to sort out.
Talking to the children
Parents are often reluctant to tell their children about a planned separation. That is normally because they want to protect their children for as long as possible. Parents also tend to think that they cannot talk to their children until they themselves know the answers to what the agreed parenting arrangements will be or whether the family home will be sold or not. However, children will pick up on the atmosphere or tensions at home and normally adult stress levels are reduced once children have been told about a planned separation.
Take legal advice
A divorce solicitor will be able to reach an agreement over parenting arrangements, custody and access and your financial settlement options. Practical and pragmatic advice taken either before your separation or at an early stage after your separation can help you reduce divorce stress and the likelihood of contested children or financial proceedings.
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For legal advice on your divorce or dissolution of civil partnership proceedings please contact us.
Robin Charrot
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3 minute read
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