How to Cope With Divorce

How you cope with a divorce is one of those questions that no-one, whether they’re a specialist divorce solicitor or a friend or relative who has been through their own divorce or relationship breakdown, can fully answer. That’s because only you know how you can best cope with your divorce. In this blog we look at some of the things that have helped others to cope with divorce and may be helpful.

Coping With Divorce

We all cope with life’s challenges in different ways, whether it is redundancy, bereavement or facing a major illness. Divorce is in many ways similar as you and your family are experiencing loss. That’s the case whether or not you are the one who wants to initiate the divorce proceedings and file for divorce or if you feel completely taken aback and ambushed by your husband or wife’s decision to separate.

Coping with divorce isn’t easy especially when people say that you haven’t been married long and therefore assume that you shouldn’t be upset by your divorce or when friends make comments such as ‘’there are other fish in the sea’’.  Most people want to deflect attention from themselves when asked ‘’how are you?’’ but one way of coping with a divorce is to give an honest answer. There are lots of other things that you can do to cope with divorce, such as:

• Take some legal advice – often people are not just worried about their divorce but the risk that the children will move to live with their husband or wife and they won’t see the children on a daily basis or how they will manage financially after the divorce. Often the big question is ‘’will I get to stay in the family home’’. The sooner you get some answers to those questions the better you will feel as then you will have an idea of what the future holds for you rather than worrying without knowing your divorce rights
• Tell your divorce solicitor how you feel – divorce solicitors aren’t counsellors but they can put you in touch with individual or family therapists who will be able to help you. Also, if you feel strongly about something, whether it is keeping your business or your pension or being able to see your children on your birthday, then tell your solicitor as once they know what is important to you then they can act on that
• Don’t listen to too many people– when you are getting divorced it can feel as if everyone is an expert, from your mother and best friend who both think that you shouldn’t get divorced to your work colleague and circle of friends and aunt who not only are encouraging you to get divorced and to take your husband or wife ‘’to the cleaners’’ but are also telling you that you will get to keep the family home, the family business and your pension. That’s normally because they say they did or they know a friend of a friend who did. Everyone’s financial and personal circumstances are different and it is easy to get overwhelmed by too much well-meaning advice
• Don’t rush or delay – telling you to not rush but don’t delay may sound a bit perverse but from a divorce solicitor’s perspective you should not rush into divorce proceedings until you have had chance to think things through. Equally though, it can be harmful to you to delay making decisions because you will remain in limbo. That’s why it is important to strike the right balance and not feel rushed or pressurised into making decisions but on the other hand not allow things to drift so you remain in a situation that isn’t good for you
• Tell your divorce solicitor if you have questions or don’t understand – whether you don’t understand the divorce process, the meaning and terms of a child arrangements order or the implications of a financial court order and pension sharing order on your future pension contributions then tell your divorce solicitor. Many people are embarrassed to ask questions and that just leads to more anxiety. A divorce solicitor wants to help you cope with your divorce and therefore wants to answer your questions. Everyone has different questions so don’t be afraid to ask yours
• Think about yourself – when you are getting divorced all your attention may be focused on how your children are coping with the news of the separation or how your husband or wife has reacted to the news that you believe that the marriage has broken down or how your mother will come to terms with your divorce. Whilst thinking of others is important it is also necessary to think about yourself so you don’t reach a financial settlement based on the fact that the children want you to stay in the family home when they are already at university and you hate the house or agree a financial court order that gives your husband or wife a large financial settlement because you feel guilty about the separation and haven’t thought through the long term consequences for you, for example, in terms of your ability to buy a decent house or to fund your retirement.

Coping with divorce can be made easier with the right help and support and that can be provided through a combination of friends and family as well as professionals such as therapists, your doctor or divorce solicitor. The best help to cope with your divorce can’t be packaged as we are all different but one of the most important ways to cope with your divorce is to take time out, away from the pressures of home and work life and children, to think about what help you need, whether it is practical, emotional or legal.

Our Manchester and Cheshire Divorce Solicitors

The friendly team of specialist divorce solicitors at Evolve Family Law can help you with your separation and divorce proceedings, as well as child custody and contact and your financial settlement. For advice on your family and private client law needs call us or complete our online enquiry form.

The Evolve Family Law offices are located in Whitefield, North Manchester and Holmes Chapel, Cheshire but we also offer remote meetings by appointment by video call or telephone.