As a Cheshire children solicitor I get asked the question ‘can I stop my ex taking our child on holiday?’ That is understandable as most parents are anxious when their child goes off for the weekend, let alone a holiday with your ex. In this blog we answer your frequently asked questions about whether you can stop your ex taking your child on holiday. Can I stop my ex taking our child on holiday? Whether you can stop your ex taking your child on holiday will depend on: Whether there is a child custody order(also known as a residence order or a child arrangements order). If so, does the order say whether your ex can take your child on holiday? If it does, then have circumstances changed so you can apply to court to vary or change the order to stop your ex taking your child on holiday? Is the holiday in the UK or does your ex plan to take your child abroad? If a foreign holiday is proposed how long is the holiday for and what is the destination? Are there any child abduction concerns that are making you particularly concerned about the holiday? For example, is your concern that your child is being taken to see extended family outside Europe and you have read and googled that the country they are going to isn’t signed up to the Hague Convention?   Prior to talking to a children solicitor about whether you can stop your ex taking your child on holiday it is best to think about the reasons why you object to the holiday. For some parents the answer is obvious, such as you fear child abduction whereas for others it is just a gut fear or your objection to the holiday may be down to: The dates your ex wants to take your child on holiday – for example, do the dates clash with your Christmas, Easter or your summer holiday plans? Who will be accompanying your child on holiday – for example, is your ex going on holiday with his new partner and their children. Are you worried about your child spending time with the new partner or them not getting on with the other children who will be going? The destination of the holiday, as after all a holiday to an English Caravan Park or to European Beach holiday is very different to a trip to the Far East or middle East to meet extended family or for cultural reasons Do you have concerns about your ex’s drinking habits and do you worry that if you are not there, your child will be neglected whilst your ex gets drunk Are you angry that your ex can afford to take your child on an expensive holiday but can't or won't pay child support to you so you can't afford to go on a similar trip?   There are many other reasons why you may object to your ex taking your child on holiday but sometimes it helps to make a list as there may be more than one reason why you feel so strongly about the holiday.  Some of those reasons may be practical ones and others may be emotional, for example, your ex is taking his new partner and your child on holiday to the same resort you all used to go to as a family.   I have a court order so can I stop my ex taking my child on holiday?  If a mother or a father has a court order saying that the child lives with them(for example a child arrangements order) then you can: Stop your child going on holiday unless there is a child arrangements order in place for the other parent that covers holiday contact in the UK or overseas If the holiday contact in the child arrangements order doesn’t cover travel abroad then your ex won't be able to take your child overseas on holiday unless they get your written agreement or a family court order that says they have court permission to take your child either to a specified foreign country for a holiday or a general order that says they can take the child on a foreign holiday each year.   Every children court order is phrased differently so if you are at all unsure about what your court order says and whether your ex needs your permission or a court order to take your child on holiday then speak to a Cheshire children solicitor.   Can I get a court order to stop my ex taking my child on holiday?  You can apply to court to get an order to stop your ex from taking your child on holiday. It is best to speak to a Cheshire children solicitor about whether you need to apply for an order as it will all depend on whether there are any existing court orders. If there are then it may not be necessary to make an application to court or you may need to apply to vary a court order rather than apply for a new court order.   For example, if your ex wants to take your child on holiday abroad and they don’t have a child arrangements order to say that they are the main carer the onus is on them to apply to court to get permission to take your child on a foreign holiday out of the UK unless you give your written consent to the holiday.   If you think that your ex will just take your child without bothering to apply for a court order then you can make an application to court for a specific issue or prohibited steps order  prohibiting the holiday from taking place.   If your ex is your child’s main carer and they have a child arrangements order in place which says the child lives with them, then normally this order allows them to take your child on holiday abroad for up to four weeks.  They therefore don’t need your permission to take your child abroad provided the holiday is for less than four weeks. However, if you object to the holiday (for example, because you fear child abduction) then you can apply to court for an order to prohibit the foreign holiday from taking place.   If your objection is to your ex taking your child on holiday in the UK then you can still apply for an order to try and stop the holiday although you would have to have good reason for the objection as generally speaking there is less opposition to a child being taken away on holiday in the UK unless, for example: The child is young and hasn’t had a lot of contact with the other parent and so would be anxious and fret The holiday is unsuitable, for example , a golf holiday where you anticipate your child will be cared for by your ex’s new partner rather than spend quality time with a parent Your ex wants to go away on holiday at the only time that you can take off to go away on holiday or their holiday plans will mean that you don’t get to spend time with your child over Christmas or will stop your child from going to a family wedding or other celebration Your ex is planning a camping holiday in the Autumn half term and your child is asthmatic or has special health needs. [related_posts] Should I object to my child going on holiday? If a parent wants to object to their child going on holiday most people’s first thoughts are that a child should be able to enjoy a holiday with each of his or her separated parents. Whilst that is true it is also correct that if you have any concerns about your child then it is your job as a parent to protect your child and stand up for what is in their best interests.   Sometimes children don’t know what is best for them as whilst your child may be very excited about a trip to a far flung destination they won't understand your child abduction fears and the reasons behind why you are so worried about the holiday.   A Cheshire children solicitor will normally ask you to look at the reasons why you object to your child going on a holiday in the UK or overseas and to consider whether those reasons are about you or your child. For example, if your real issue is that your ex can afford a holiday but isn’t paying child support your children solicitor can make a child support application for you. If your issue is the destination of the holiday or its length then perhaps some compromise can be made so a holiday can take place but your child is safe.   If you need help with holiday contact or need a holiday contact order then our expert team of specialist children law solicitors at Holmes Chapel and Whitefield can help you. Call us or contact us online.

In the past you could only get a judge to make a family law injunction order if there had been domestic violence involving a trip to the hospital or doctor. Those days are long gone with family judges realising that any form of domestic violence, from serious sexual assault to slap or push, is unacceptable. The law now allows you to apply for a family law injunction order if you are subjected to coercive control and behaviour. In this blog we look at what is meant by coercive control and behaviour. Evolve Family Law solicitors are approachable and friendly, providing expert divorce, children and financial settlement advice, with experience in handling separations or divorces where a partner has been abusive or is narcissistic and controlling.  Contact us today and let us help you. What is Coercive Behaviour? The question ‘what is coercive behaviour?’ is a good one as what one person would describe as coercive and controlling behaviour may be the normal experience of a husband, wife or partner who is so used to such controlling behaviour that they have become immune to it and adapted their life and thought processes around their partner’s behaviour so as not to upset them or to fit in.   It is often only when you see your husband, wife, or partner starting to exercise the same coercive behaviour on your child and you see the impact of that behaviour on your child’s demeanour and personality that you realise that you have got to do something. In other families it takes a close friend or family member to point out that what your partner sees as loving behaviour is actually stifling you and is coercive behaviour.   From a Cheshire divorce and family law solicitor’s perspective coercive behaviour is any act designed to force or coerce you into doing something against your will or that is intended to harm or intimidate you. Acts can include physical threats as well other forms of humiliation or words said by your partner that make you feel as if you are no longer in control of your life or actions.   The government says that coercive and controlling behaviour is an act designed to make you feel subordinate or dependent on your partner and gives examples of: Isolation from friends and family Stopping you from being independent Regulating your behaviour. Examples of Coercive Behaviour It is all very well to be told what the government thinks is coercive behaviour but how does that translate into real life? Below are some examples of real life coercive behaviour: Controlling what you eat and weigh (it may be said that this is for ‘your own good’ to make you attractive but it is still coercive and controlling behaviour) Stopping you from having a shower or bath at times other than stipulated Preventing you from leaving the family home on your own or stopping you from seeing your friends and family Restricting your access to money so you only get an allowance to buy food and have to account for any money spent by you Telling you that you can't pick up the baby or play with the children other than at times allowed Telling you that you can't go online or monitoring your computer and telephone usage Dictating what clothes you should wear (either too modest or too flamboyant for your taste) or saying what make-up you can wear (if any).   Coercion and control doesn’t just happen to women in heterosexual relationships. Women can also coerce and control their male partners or husbands. Coercion and control also occurs in same sex relationships.   If something amounts to coercive and controlling behaviour then it doesn’t matter if you are married, in a civil partnership or cohabiting and living together. It is the act or behaviour that is important rather than the legal status of your family relationship. Recognising Coercive Behaviour Coercive and controlling behaviour can be insidious and hard for you or your friends and family to spot. That is because the coercion can be subtle (for example, ‘you look fat or tarty in that outfit’) or the degree of control can grow slowly over time so you don’t recognise it for what it is (for example, getting you to agree that it is too much hassle to see your mother every week to eventually telling you who you can and can't see).   When you are in a relationship, or you are a close friend or family member, it can be hard to spot or recognise coercive behaviour, often because it is dressed up as ‘only wanting to do what is best’ or because it is said you are so stupid or mentally unwell that your partner or husband or wife knows what is best for you.   Don’t forget that coercion and controlling behaviour doesn’t have to be face to face. Some of the most intimidating coercive behaviour can be carried out by bombarding someone with text messages and phone calls or remotely spying on activities. What can I do about coercive behaviour in my relationship? If you are being subjected to coercion and control in your relationship then you can: Try and get your partner to see his/her behaviour for what it is. This may involve counselling to get to the root cause of the coercive behaviour. In some family situations the nature of the coercive control is such that it is not safe or healthy for you to stay in the relationship and so counselling and trying to stay together may not be a realistic option as you need to leave the family home and separate permanently Separate and start divorce proceedings. If your husband or wife has exercised coercive or controlling behaviour you should be able to start divorce proceedings based on their unreasonable behaviour. Even if you don’t want to start divorce proceedings based on your spouse’s unreasonable behaviour it is still important to tell your divorce solicitor about the behaviour. They can talk to you about your divorce proceedings options, such as starting divorce proceedings on your partner’s new relationship (adultery) Separate and start injunction proceedings. An injunction order is made by the family court. The court can either make a non-molestation or an occupation order to protect you and your children Make a complaint to the police. The Serious Crime Act 2015 created a new criminal offence of controlling or coercive behaviour in intimate or familial relationship’. If your partner is found guilty then in a serious case of coercive behaviour they could be sent to prison for up to five years. What is a non-molestation order? A non-molestation injunction order is a family court order that stops the person who is behaving in a coercive or controlling manner towards you or your child from continuing to do so. What is an occupation order? An occupation injunction order is a family court order that stops the person who is behaving in a coercive or controlling manner towards you or your child from continuing to live at the family home or from re-entering the family home or restricts your partner or spouse from certain rooms in the family home. Breaching an injunction order If your partner or spouse breaches a family court injunction order then it is a contempt of court and a criminal offence. [related_posts] Talking to your divorce and family law solicitor about coercive behaviour If you take the step of deciding to speak to a Cheshire divorce solicitor about your marriage or relationship it is important to tell them about the coercive control. Many people are too embarrassed to talk about their partner or spouse’s behaviour or they decide that their partner’s behaviour isn’t relevant because they don’t want to start divorce proceedings based on unreasonable behaviour or start injunction proceedings.   Even if you don’t want your divorce solicitor to act on the coercive behaviour information you give them, it is still important to tell them about it so that they understand why you may have concerns about your children having contact and why you want a child arrangements order or why you may want a financial settlement that includes a clean break financial court order so there are no ongoing financial ties between you and your husband or wife.   Cheshire divorce solicitors won't judge you or criticise you for not leaving your partner any earlier. However, what they will do is support you during your relationship breakdown, finding the best long term family solutions for you and your family and to do that they need to know about the coercive and controlling behaviour to help you and your family.

Don’t you feel that some days you have just had enough? If your ex-partner, former husband or wife is making your life difficult, if not impossible, over contact with your child then that’s often the stage that Cheshire divorce solicitors are asked the question ‘Can I stop access to my child?’ There are many reasons why you might want to stop access or contact by your child’s other parent and that is why it is best to take legal advice from a Cheshire divorce and children law solicitor before stopping access. Stopping access Stopping access to your child is a big step to take and it is vital that you get it right. The repercussions of getting the decision wrong can be: The child’s other parent applying to court to enforce any existing access or contact order The child’s other parent applying to court and getting a child arrangements order so they have a court order for access to your child Your child blaming you for the decision to stop access and saying that they want to see or even to live with their other parent Your child’s other parent alleging that you have stopped access because of parental alienation (you are trying to alienate and distance your child from their other parent without any justification for doing so).   Whatever the background to your separation or divorce and the reasons why you feel driven to stop access, it often helps to sit down with a Cheshire children solicitor to look at your options and the alternatives to stopping access. Reasons for stopping access There are many reasons why you may want to stop access, such as: Your child says they don’t enjoy their contact visits with their other parent as they are boring and they would rather be at home You feel intimidated when your ex-partner calls to collect or return your child Your ex-partner has stopped paying child support and you don’t think contact should take place if they can't be bothered to provide child support You don’t want your child to see your former husband or wife's new partner during access visits Your ex-partner keeps turning up late or cancels contact visits at the last moment so you don’t know, from one week to the next, whether contact will take place or not The children always return from an access visit all ‘hyper’ and overtired and then can't settle back into their routine with you for days.   Those are just some of the reasons given for wanting to stop contact. It is vital to discuss the reasons to see if there are alternatives, such as: Talking to your former partner about the contact visits to make them more fun for your child, rather than sitting around watching the TV. Those discussions don’t have to take place direct if you don’t think that would work. You could attend a joint meeting with your children law solicitor or use family mediation You could agree that your child is collected from school or from a relative’s home to stop you having to come face to face with your ex-partner at contact collection and return times and so you are not intimidated or upset by the access handovers You could let contact take place but apply to the Child Maintenance Service for child support You could use a solicitor roundtable meeting or family mediation to discuss why you don’t want your child coming into contact with a new partner or the effect of missed contact visits or too much sugar, to see if your former partner will listen to your concerns. As a parent you need to do what is best for your child and, after exploring the alternatives, you may conclude that stopping access is in your child’s best interests. How you should go about that will depend on whether there are any existing children court orders in place. [related_posts] Court orders and stopping access If there is an existing: Residence order Contact or access order Child arrangements order Then you should take legal advice before stopping access to your former partner to your child. That’s because if you don’t take legal advice on the existing children court order you could find yourself responding to enforcement court proceedings. If there is an existing court order in place, such as a contact order or child arrangements order, then you may need to make an application to the family court to vary the existing children court order before you can stop contact. If there is no existing court orders in place you may be able to stop access but it is still best to take legal advice from a specialist Cheshire children law solicitor before doing so. That’s because a children solicitor can talk to you about alternate options and the prospects of your former partner applying to court so they can see your child under a child arrangements order. Sometimes, by stopping access quickly, after a particularly bad incident or trying weekend, it can play into the hands of your former partner and just create more headaches and hassle for you.   Our expert Cheshire children solicitors can look objectively at your options and help you work out what’s the best alternative for you and your children. ​Contact Us Today

It is difficult making the decision to leave a husband, wife or partner. People often think that the decision to separate is easy if you are leaving an abusive partner as  ending the relationship is the ‘obvious’ thing to do. As a Cheshire divorce solicitor witnessing and helping those involved in abusive relationships, I know that it is no easier to leave an abusive partner than it is to leave a caring and kind partner that you have drifted apart from. Any separation or divorce is a painful process but it can be particularly difficult when you are leaving an abusive partner. That’s why it helps if your divorce solicitor has experience of helping others separate from abusive partners.   How do you leave an abusive partner? You may think the answer to the question ‘how do you leave an abusive partner?’ is obvious – you just get up and leave. However Cheshire divorce solicitors who work with people in abusive relationships know that it isn’t as easy as that.   If you are in an abusive relationship it is particularly important to plan your departure to make sure you and your children are safe. Here are our tips on leaving an abusive partner: Get help and support – the support can be from friends, family, your doctor or counsellor, the police, domestic violence agency or other source. Without help you might be tempted to think that your partner has changed and that it is safe to go back or want to go back to the property on your own to pick up extra possessions or to meet your partner to hand the children over for contact; Have an escape plan – if you are leaving a partner it is normal to discuss why the relationship hasn’t worked out and why you are either leaving or want them to go. If you are leaving an abusive partner it may not be safe to have that discussion and you may therefore either need to leave without telling them about your plans or where you are going. You may not have to leave the family home if you can get injunction orders to protect you; Be practical – most people with abusive personalities are wily characters. If you are making phone calls or using the internet or you or the children are posting things on Facebook, think about whether your abusive partner will be able to trace you from those activities. If you are planning on leaving think what you will need to take with you so you don’t have to return to collect essential items. If the children are in school make sure teachers know why you may need to collect the children early or arrange for someone else to do so; Protect yourself – if you are at immediate risk then don’t follow any escape plan but get immediate help from the police. If you are not at immediate risk but are worried about your safety then speak to a Cheshire divorce solicitor about getting emergency injunction orders (called non-molestation and occupation orders) or children orders (called child arrangements orders or prohibited steps orders) to safeguard your children if you are concerned about the risk of child abduction; Take legal advice – ideally you should take legal advice before you leave an abusive partner so that you know where you stand legally and whether, for example, you can make them leave the family home , if you can change the locks or stop contact or get interim financial support; Be strong – you probably think that you are not strong enough to leave or to withstand the pressure from your partner to return or their attempts to find you and exact revenge because you left. An honest Cheshire divorce solicitor will tell you that leaving isn’t the easy option and that you therefore need to be strong to get through leaving an abusive partner and to make sure you have the help and support you need to get through it. Is my partner abusive? You may think that the question ‘Is my partner abusive?’ should have a straight forward answer. However, Cheshire divorce solicitors will tell you that it isn’t uncommon for those leaving abusive relationships to not recognise their partner’s behaviour as abuse. That can be for a variety of reasons such as: They understandably don’t want to be seen as a victim of abuse and so minimise their partner’s behaviour; They have a very narrow view of what amounts to abusive behaviour because they don’t see psychological abuse or coercive and controlling behaviour as abusive; They have been coached into thinking that their partner’s behaviour is normal or that it only occurs because of their unreasonable demands; Their partner isn’t abusive to the children so it must be their behaviour that is at fault and not that of their partner.   Most Cheshire divorce solicitors understand why the abuse isn’t recognised as abuse during the relationship and therefore why it is so hard to recognise the behaviour as abuse when you are separating. After all, if you have been told repeatedly that it is you that is ‘mental’ or the one with the ‘problem’, it is all too easy to get sucked into believing that the abuse is only because your partner cares about you.   The definition of what amounts to abuse in a relationship is very wide. Nowadays courts and divorce lawyers recognise that abuse in a relationship isn’t limited to physical assaults but includes: Verbal and emotional abuse, such as belittling you or telling you that you are mentally unwell or not a fit parent; Financial control, such as withholding money from you so you are reliant on your partner; Intimidation and mind games, such as telling you that they will kill themselves or leave their job so you will end up with nothing but guilt if you leave; Exercising coercion and control, such as not letting you see your family or being unwilling to let you go out to work or to have a bank account in your own name.   There are numerous examples of what amounts to abusive behaviour in a relationship. Sometimes it takes talking to a friend, counsellor or a Cheshire divorce solicitor about your relationship to recognise the behaviour for what it is and to start to acknowledge the physical and emotional impact of your partner’s abusive behaviour on you. Leaving an abusive partner If you are contemplating leaving an abusive partner the number one priority is to make sure that you are safe and are empowered to do so. It is stressful leaving any relationship but if your partner is abusive the physical departure can be a dangerous trigger point unless handled carefully. Just as importantly, if you have been in an abusive relationship for a long time it can be easy to succumb to promises of change or being told that you can't leave because you won't be able to take the children with you or you won't get a penny.   It can feel as if there is no escape from an abusive partner but that isn’t the case. With the right emotional and legal support you can leave an abusive partner safely and rebuild your life. Getting help with an abusive partner When you live with an abusive partner it is hard to reach out and ask for help. That can be down to feelings of embarrassment or because you love your partner and want to stay in the relationship but just want the abuse to stop. Cheshire divorce solicitors find it is often the case that those in abusive relationships are too frightened to speak out and ask for help as they fear what will happen if they do. That is totally understandable as the last thing that you or they want is for your situation to be any worse than it is.   One thing that a solicitor can promise you is that if you seek help from them then what you say is totally confidential. The fact that you have taken advice from a solicitor and the advice information given won't be disclosed to anyone, unless you give your permission to do so.   If you are worried about seeing a divorce solicitor then you are welcome to come to a meeting to discuss leaving an abusive partner with a friend or member of your family. They can help give you the courage to leave, but remember that whilst friends and family can offer emotional and practical support, the decision to leave has to come from you.   If you don’t have friends or family to support you (or would be worried about things getting back to your partner) there are many supportive organisations and charities who are there to help with information and advice as well as individuals , such as your GP or a counsellor , who can support you in your decision to leave your abusive partner. Divorcing an abusive partner If your husband or wife is an abusive partner then a Cheshire divorce solicitor will tell you that you will have the grounds to start divorce proceedings on the basis of unreasonable behaviour. Allegations of unreasonable behaviour don’t have to include physical violence but can also include behaviour such as: Belittling you in front of your family; or Not being willing to let you see your friends; or Criticising your actions and telling you that you are stupid.   If you are dealing with an abusive husband or wife you will need a Cheshire divorce solicitor who can stand up to your partner, make sure that you and your children get the legal protection you need , but who will also ensure that your voice is heard and help you make your own decisions about what you want. Children and leaving an abusive partner It isn’t unusual for Cheshire divorce solicitors to be told that someone has stayed in an abusive relationship for years ‘for the sake of the children’. That can be down to a whole variety of factors, such as: Your abusive partner has told you that they will get custody of the children and they won't let you see the children because they will turn the children against you; You think that you would have to leave the family home and you are worried that this will affect the children ; The children love their other parent and you don’t want them to grow up in a single parent family; The timing to separate isn’t right because of a child’s exams or the start of primary or secondary school.   Cheshire divorce solicitors will tell you that all the research into children and separation and divorce shows that: Children are remarkably resilient; More often than not children know when there is something wrong with their parent’s relationship. Although the children may not have seen any domestic violence or physical assaults, because you have protected them, they can still pick up on the vibe in the household and be emotionally affected by it; Children prefer to live in two households rather than have their parents living together but in an abusive relationship with a toxic atmosphere.   It is natural to feel very anxious about childcare arrangements if you are planning to leave an abusive partner. The first priority is to ensure that you and the children are safe from any domestic violence (or the children witnessing it) so injunction applications can be made to safeguard you and the children. In addition you can apply for a child arrangements order. In an emergency a child arrangements order can be made quickly to protect the children. A child arrangements order can: Say the children should live with you – on a short term or long term basis; Set out if the children should see your partner, and if so, whether the contact visits should take place in a supervised setting (for example at a contact centre or in the presence of a member of your family or a trusted friend) and spell out the safe handover and collection arrangements.   If you and your abusive partner have to go to court to sort out the child care arrangements it is important that: Your husband or wife's abusive behaviour and its impact on you and the children is explained by your solicitor as part of the court process; and The court looks at whether a finding of fact hearing is needed to decide on the domestic abuse allegations before it makes orders under the Children Act.   If a finding of abuse is made then the court should only make a child arrangements order and contact with the abusive parent if the court believes that the physical and emotional safety of you and your children can be protected before, during and after the contact.   Many divorcing partners are adamant that they want their children to see their other parent, notwithstanding the fact that there has been abuse within the relationship. That is because they want their children to have a relationship with both parents. If you are satisfied that the children will be safe during contact then it is then essential to ensure that you are also safe during the handover of the children for contact. For example, you may not want your abusive partner coming to the house to collect the children but would prefer a neutral handover where there is less chance that your partner will ‘kick off’ or say anything that will upset the children.   A specialist Cheshire divorce solicitor can either represent you in court proceedings for a child arrangements order so that your children live with you, or to stop or limit contact or can help you negotiate the parenting arrangements on a short term and long term basis. [related_posts] Leaving an abusive partner and getting a financial settlement It is natural to worry that even if you are safely able to leave an abusive partner that they will make sure that you ‘end up with nothing’. Cheshire divorce solicitors are experts in making sure that not only are you protected from an abusive partner but that you also receive a fair financial settlement and that you are not bullied or coerced into accepting less than you need or are entitled to.   Divorce solicitors can either negotiate with your ex-partner or start financial court proceedings . Whether you negotiate or start court proceedings the important thing is that you have a solicitor on your side making sure you have the information and financial disclosure orders necessary to make financial decisions and that any financial settlement is reality tested to make sure that the financial court order meets your needs and is capable of enforcement if your partner remains difficult and uncooperative.   Abusive partners tend to be bullies and don’t want or like anyone standing up to them. Courts don’t like bullies so whether you are being physically assaulted, emotionally abused or financially controlled there is help available from Cheshire divorce solicitors and the family court, for example help to: Physically protect you – through the making of non-molestation and occupation injunction orders; Financially protect you – through the making of child support, spousal maintenance , property and pension orders and orders to enforce compliance if your abusive partner won't comply with court orders; Protect the family – through child arrangements orders to ensure your children are safe.   Evolve Family Law solicitors are approachable and friendly. We provide the expert divorce, children and financial settlement advice that you need when you are separating from an abusive partner and need someone on your side.  Contact us today and let us help you.

I have considerable experience in divorcing a narcissist. That’s because as a Cheshire divorce solicitor many people ask me for help in sorting out their separation or divorce. Some family clients tell me at our first meeting that their husband or wife has a narcissistic personality disorder. Other clients think that their husband or wife behaves unreasonably and that their spouse has some of the traits of a narcissist. Dealing with a spouse with a narcissistic personality is difficult, especially when you are trying to divorce and move on with your life. That’s why it helps if your solicitor has experience of divorcing a narcissist. Is my spouse a narcissist? In any blog on divorcing a narcissist, it is important to look at some of the essential traits of a narcissist to help you understand if your spouse has narcissistic personality characteristics.   The Oxford dictionary defines a narcissist as a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. Narcissists are said to have the following personality traits: A sense of self-importance; A sense of entitlement; Requiring praise and attention; Willing to exploit and use others without feeling a sense of guilt or shame; Able to demean and belittle other people without worrying about the impact of their behaviour; Able to live in their own fantasy world where they are the centre of attention.   Do any of those traits sound like your husband or wife? If so, you may need help from a counsellor or, if you have decided to separate or divorce, from a specialist Cheshire divorce solicitor. Getting divorced from a narcissist It is stressful going through a divorce, even when it is amicable. However, when your husband or wife is a narcissist it can feel as if there is no escape from your marriage. There is, but you will need support, both legal and emotional.   If you are married to someone who exhibits narcissistic traits or has a narcissistic personality disorder then you have to accept that your husband or wife won't think that they are at fault or that anything they do is wrong. It is therefore pretty futile to have direct discussions on the reasons behind why you want to get divorced in the hope that they will understand your point of view. If they are a narcissist they won't.   Any discussion about your marriage and separation will be turned by your husband or wife into a tirade on looking at the impact of what is happening on them, rather than the impact on you or the children. If you have the sort of personality that gets stressed or you know you will end up too frazzled to deal with the separation if your spouse starts to belittle you, then it may be best to leave things in the hands of your divorce solicitor. A solicitor who has experience with narcissistic personality disorders and divorce will have the strategies to be able to sort out your separation and divorce. Divorce proceedings and narcissists If you are married to a narcissist then you can be confident that you will have the grounds to start divorce proceedings against them. That is because, under current divorce law, you can start divorce proceedings if your marriage has irretrievably broken down and your husband or wife has behaved unreasonably.   What counts as unreasonable behaviour is the typical behaviour of a narcissist. For example: Belittling you in front of friends or family; or Not being willing to share household tasks; or Prioritising themselves and their interests above anyone else , including the children; or Not being willing to listen to you; or Making you feel at fault, for example, by saying you are the one who is mentally ill or who is a poor parent.   Divorcing someone with a narcissistic personality disorder isn’t easy. Often they will say that the marriage hasn’t irretrievably broken down (when it clearly has) or they will deny all responsibility for their behaviour and say that they will defend the divorce proceedings. If you are dealing with a narcissist husband or wife you need a strong, no-nonsense solicitor on your side who won't get caught up in your spouse’s tirades but instead will focus on your divorce and sorting out the arrangements for the children and the financial settlement. Getting help with a narcissist spouse When you are separating or getting divorced from a narcissist spouse then you need all the legal and emotional support you can get. Your friends and family may not realise what you have been through and are currently coping with. That is because your spouse may present a ‘front’ to the outside world where he/ she appears charming and worried about you and your ‘breakdown’.   First and foremost there is no point in challenging what your spouse is saying to friends and family. If you do then it is only likely to fuel matters as your husband or wife won't be able to see the error of their ways as they are only able to see things from their perspective. That can be very hard for you to cope with. That’s why seeing a counsellor or therapist can really help you see the situation you are in for what it is, rather than accepting your spouse’s interpretation of events based on their fantasy world where you are the only one at fault. Divorce and the narcissist parent When you are divorcing a husband or wife with narcissist traits or who has a narcissistic personality disorder it is easy to feel very guilty about your children and in a quandary about what to do about childcare arrangements. Whilst your spouse is only likely to be interested in themselves, they may ask the court to order that the children live with him or her as part of their mind control games or because they know their stance will frighten you.   Whilst it can be tempting to say that a parent with a narcissistic personality disorder should not have contact with their children after the separation or divorce this may not be realistic. For example, older children may want ongoing contact with the other parent or you may need help with childcare. What’s more if you say that you do not want your child to have contact with the other parent they may raise accusations of parental alienation although all you are trying to do is to protect your child from a parent with a narcissistic personality disorder.   If you and your spouse end up in court over the childcare arrangements it is important that: Your husband or wife's narcissistic traits are outlined neutrally; and The impact of their behaviour on you and your children is fully explained. That is important because many of the behaviours of a narcissist amount to abuse, such as controlling or coercive behaviour.   In children court proceedings a court has to carefully consider any allegations of domestic abuse . Abuse includes emotional abuse or psychological abuse of you or the children. If a finding of abuse is made then the court should only make a child arrangements order and contact with the narcissistic parent if the court is satisfied that the physical and emotional safety of the child and the parent with whom the child lives can, as far as possible, be secured before, during and after the contact.   An experienced Cheshire divorce solicitor can put the case in children proceedings for expert reports on a parent with narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic traits. A psychologist or other expert can be asked to report on either the parent or on the whole family and assess the impact of the narcissistic parent’s behaviour on you and the children.   Many divorcing partners are wary about labelling a narcissistic parent an ‘abuser’ but it is important to recognise that abuse isn’t just physical and the effects of coercive and controlling behaviour can be insidious on you and your children. A specialist Cheshire divorce solicitor can help you recognise that and work out childcare arrangements that best protect your children or can robustly represent you in court proceedings. [related_posts] How to get a financial settlement from a narcissist Normally a Cheshire divorce solicitor will recommend that they negotiate with your spouse to reach a financial settlement. If your spouse is a narcissist or has a narcissistic personality disorder then the advice may be different. That’s because it can be impossible to negotiate with a narcissist as they always think they are right and can't see anyone else’s point of view, other than their own. To the narcissist it is all about their financial wants and needs and not yours or the children’s needs.   If you start financial court proceedings there is a court timetable put in place so your spouse can't delay or prevaricate and the judge can ultimately decide on what financial orders are made. No one likes to think that a judge will take control of the family finances and make a financial court order deciding whether, for example, the family home should be sold or if you should get a share of the pension or the family business. However, when you are dealing with a narcissist there may be little alternative as your spouse won't be prepared to compromise.   You may think that you know your spouse and that even if the family judge makes an order to transfer the family home into your sole name that your spouse will not sign the paperwork to do so. The court is used to dealing with spouses who won't co-operate so, if necessary, the judge can sign the property paperwork on behalf of your spouse. The court also has the power to make financial disclosure orders and to draw adverse inferences if your spouse just won't accept the authority of the court.   Narcissistic spouses like to think that they are very powerful, during the relationship and during the divorce, children and financial proceedings. That is why it is so important that you chose a divorce solicitor who won't be intimidated or fazed by your spouse’s behaviour. Instead your divorce solicitor will focus on securing your divorce and obtaining children and financial court orders that best meet yours and your children’s needs.   Evolve Family Law solicitors are approachable and friendly providing expert divorce, children and financial settlement advice with experience in handling divorces where a spouse has a narcissistic personality disorder.  Contact us today and let us help you

As a children solicitor, I hate abbreviations. I think they confuse parents and make children court proceedings seem more complicated than they really are. If you are thinking about applying to the family court for a custody or access order (called in court language a child arrangements order ), you will come across the abbreviation ’’CAFCASS’’. CAFCASS stands for ‘’the children and family court advisory and support service’’. I think most people would agree that is a bit of a mouthful. A CAFCASS officer is called a variety of names, including family court reporter and CAFCASS worker or reporter. Many of the names are interchangeable, adding to parents’ confusion. What is a CAFCASS Report? A CAFCASS report is a report that is ordered by a family judge for use in children court proceedings. The CAFCASS report can also be referred to as a ‘’section 7 report’’. This abbreviation relates to the section of the Children Act 1989 that authorises the production of reports. Who Can Ask for a CAFCASS Report? Many parents think that in all children court proceedings a CAFCASS report is prepared or that they can ask for a report. A CAFCASS report is not necessary in every children court case. Furthermore, only a family court judge can decide if a report should be obtained and how detailed the report should be. A judge can ask that a CAFCASS report look into the children’s wishes and feelings or the judge can ask for a more detailed report asking the CAFCASS report writer to make recommendations about what he or she thinks would be best for the children. A parent or their solicitor can ask a judge to order the preparation of a CAFCASS report at a first directions hearing of a children application. If you would like a CAFCASS report, careful representations have to be made as to why a report should be prepared. If a judge does not follow the recommendations in a CAFCASS report, the judge has to explain why the recommendations have not been followed. What Goes Into a CAFCASS Report? A CAFCASS report writer will decide whom they need to speak to in order to prepare their report. A CAFCASS report writer will speak to both parents and will normally speak to the children who are the subject of the court proceedings. A CAFCASS report writer may also speak to a nursery worker, teacher or other relevant professional. A CAFCASS report writer will say what they think the child’s wishes and feelings are and may say what parenting arrangements would, in their opinion, be in the child’s best interests. If facts are disputed, for example whether an incident of domestic violence took place, it is not the job of the CAFCASS report writer to decide whether the incident took place or not. That is the job of the family judge. [related_posts] How Does a CAFCASS Report Writer Interview a Child? A CAFCASS report writer’s interview technique will depend on the age and understanding of the child and the family circumstances. A CAFCASS report writer will not ask a child to decide between parents. How Long Does a CAFCASS Report Take to Prepare? The time that a CAFCASS report takes to prepare depends on what the judge asks the CAFCASS report writer to cover in the report and how busy the local CAFCASS service is. Sometimes a judge will ask a CAFCASS report writer to prepare an interim report, for example on short-term contact arrangements until the final hearing of the children application. On other occasions a judge may ask for a second CAFCASS report, often referred to as an ‘’addendum report’’. Does a Judge Have to Agree with the Recommendations in a CAFCASS Report? A judge does not have to agree with what the CAFCASS report says. However, a CAFCASS report is normally highly influential. In the vast majority of children court applications, the court will make parenting and child arrangements orders as recommended by the CAFCASS report.   For legal assistance responding to children court proceedings please contact our expert children lawyers today

When parents cannot agree over the arrangements for their children after separation or divorce, they do not necessarily need to apply for custody or a child arrangements order. Instead, their legal remedy may be an application under the Children Act for a specific issue order.   What is a Specific Issue Order? A specific issue order is an order made by a judge of the family court. The order decides an issue that is in dispute in connection with any aspect of the exercise of parental responsibility for a child.   It is hard to explain what a specific issue order is and what it is used for without using examples of situations where parents have applied to court for specific issue orders.   Examples of Specific Issue Orders A family court judge can decide on almost any aspect of parental responsibility if a parent applies for a specific issue order.   The most frequent types of specific issue order applications are about: Whether a child should be educated privately or state educated; The specific choice of private school or nursery. To some parents a school’s education and examination record is the key factor in choice of school. However, to the other parent, the distance from home or the quality of pastoral care or the fact that they went to a particular school are the reasons why they are at loggerheads with the other parent over the choice of school; Whether a child should observe a particular religion and attend religious ceremonies or go to a religious school; Whether a child should follow a gluten free or meat free vegan or vegetarian diet ; Whether a child should be baptised or circumcised ; Whether a child should be allowed to change gender; Whether a child should be immunised; Whether a child should be given a new first name or surname ; Whether a child should go to a family event, such as a second wedding or act as bridesmaid or pageboy. There are many other specific issue order topics. That is because the ‘’burning issue’’ in every family or separated family is always different. Therefore specific issue order applications are as individual as the families who struggle to agree on parenting decisions.   How Do You Agree a Specific Issue?     The best children law solicitors will not just give you the option of applying to court for a specific issue order from a family judge. That is because there are alternative options to making an application to court for a specific issue order. For example, you could: Have direct discussions ; with the help of a solicitor in the background; Go to a round table solicitor meeting ; Attend family mediation ; Use family arbitration; Attend family counselling. In appropriate family cases, mediation or counselling sessions can involve the child if the child is old enough to express an opinion and the child’s parents and professionals think that involving the child in the discussion is right for the child. [related_posts] Deciding a Specific Issue Order Application   The way a judge decides a specific issue order application is no different to how a judge decides on a child arrangements order application. That is because the judge has to consider and apply the same welfare criteria to make a decision.   A judge decides a specific issue order application based on what the judge believes is in the child’s best interests. The judge must consider a number of statutory factors (known as the welfare checklist) when making court decisions about children.   The Children Act 1989 welfare checklist lists the factors that the judge considers, including: The ascertainable wishes and feelings of the child concerned, in light of his or her age and understanding; and The child’s physical, emotional and educational needs; and The likely effect on the child of any change in his/her circumstances; and The child’s age, sex, background and any characteristics the court considers relevant; and Any harm which the child has suffered or is at risk of suffering; and How capable each of the parents and any other person in relation to whom the court considers the question to be relevant is of meeting the child’s needs; and The range of powers available to the court. The judge will carry out an assessment, of what they believe to be best for the child after considering the evidence and the welfare checklist.   It is not unusual for parents who are living together or who are separated to fall out over a specific issue relating to the parenting of their child , for example one parent not wanting the child to meet the new partner of their former spouse. There is often no one right or wrong answer when it comes to a specific issue order, as in most cases both parents think their standpoint is in their child’s best interests.   If you cannot reach an agreement over a parenting decision then the best option is to take some legal advice so you know where you stand legally and whether a specific issue order is a reasonable step to take in the interests of your child.   For legal help with any aspect of children law please contact our expert children lawyers today

If your son or daughter is getting divorced then, as a grandparent, it is a traumatic time. You may not agree with your child’s decision to separate from their husband or wife or get on with their new partner. You may not like how your child is being used as a pawn by their warring parents. This blog looks at what rights grandparents have in a divorce.   Grandparents and Children Law Cheshire children law solicitors have seen a marked rise in enquiries from grandparents wanting to know about their right to see their grandchildren following the separation or divorce of their son or daughter.   Children solicitors put the rise in enquiries about grandparent rights down to: Grandparents having a better understanding that they do have some rights from organisations set up to help grandparents and from social media; Grandparents being actively involved in bringing up their grandchildren and not wanting to lose contact or their close bond with their grandchild because of a divorce; Newspaper reports about cases where grandparents have made successful applications to obtain family court orders to enable them to see their grandchildren and maintain their relationship with them.   Grandparent Rights Some grandparents and parents assume that there is a special ‘’grandparent application’’ that a grandparent cam make to secure access to their grandchild. Top Cheshire family law solicitors say that there is no special application available for grandparents.   If a relative of a child wants to see a child and the parent or parents object to contact then the relative (including grandparents) can make an application to the family court under the Children Act 1989.   Normally a grandparent wants an order that they can see their grandchildren on a regular basis. This type of family court order used to be called an access order or contact order. The terminology has changed and if a grandparent wants access to or contact with a grandchild they need to apply to court for permission to apply for a child arrangements order .   When a grandparent finds out that they need to ask the court for permission to apply for a child arrangements order, the court process can seem unnecessarily complicated and cumbersome. After all, a parent or anyone else with parental responsibility for a child does not need to first ask the court if they can apply for an order. However, specialist children solicitors say that grandparents should not be put off from making a court application for a child arrangements order just because they need to ask for permission to apply for an order.   Applying for Permission If a grandparent has had a close relationship with a grandchild and they are being stopped from spending any time with their grandchild then generally the court will grant permission to make the court application for a child arrangements order.   Once permission has been granted to apply for a child arrangements order then the court application will proceed in exactly the same way as a parent applying for contact or an order to see their child. [related_posts] Grandparents and Child Arrangements Orders    When a court is asked to make a child arrangements order it will look at whether or not the court thinks that the order being sought is in the child’s best interests, taking into account a range of factors known as the ‘’welfare checklist’’.   The court will undertake a similar exercise whether a parent, aunt, sibling or grandparent makes an application for a child arrangements order. However, courts do increasingly understand just how important a grandparent is in a child’s life and how vital it is for children to maintain a relationship with their extended family after a separation or divorce.   For legal assistance with grandparent rights please contact our expert children law solicitors today