In this blog, North West family lawyer Louise Halford looks at divorce emotions and explains how an empathetic family law solicitor can help you navigate the stages of grief during divorce. Separation and divorce can be an emotional rollercoaster. It’s a ride you probably didn’t want to get on with many twists and turns.  At Evolve Family Law our divorce solicitors understand that as well as needing specialist family law advice to help you on your divorce journey you also require support in navigating the path to life beyond divorce. If you need help with your divorce or separation phone us or complete our online enquiry form. Experiencing divorce emotions Everyone experiences divorce differently. With over 25 years of experience as a family lawyer, Louise Halford has learnt that divorce emotions are not necessarily linked to how long you were married or if you are divorcing with young children. If you have been married for two years your divorce emotions may be just as intense as someone who was married for twenty-plus years - because you are grieving for the years and the children you might have had. When you are separating your friends and family may try to compare what you are going through with their own experiences or tell you to get a grip because your divorce emotions can't be compared to a bereavement. However, with a bereavement, you may feel anger and an overwhelming sense of loss but not the same sense of rejection and repudiation. The grief can be just as real as a bereavement, just different. As specialist family law solicitors, we see a lot of raw divorce emotions. We believe it’s best for people to be honest about their grief and for comparisons not to be made with others – it isn’t a league table and you are entitled to feel the emotions you are experiencing. The range of divorce emotions  People can feel: Grief and sorrow Anger and rage Guilt Sadness and a sense of loss Euphoria and joy  Vindication  Fear You may feel all these emotions during your separation and divorce or just some of them. Often emotions can be all mixed up with you feeling euphoric at finally taking the plunge and leaving your ex but fearful about your future. Emotions can be very jumbled up. For example: Experiencing grief because your children won't have the sort of childhood you envisaged for them Feeling guilty that you were the one to end the relationship but feeling glad that you can move on with your life Feeling euphoric that you have your final order in the divorce proceedings but sad because of the impact of the separation on your children  Feeling vindicated because your suspicions about your ex were right but fearful about what the future may hold for you as a single parent  Some of our divorce clients are very open about their emotions. They describe the daily rollercoaster of feeling bereft at breakfast and optimistic by one o'clock with tinges of vindication tempered by guilt. Those feelings can be even more complicated when you are trying to help your children or step-children through their emotional processing of parental separation and to sort out post-separation parenting arrangements. Divorce emotions and children   The first point to acknowledge is that whether you are a stay-at-home parent of a toddler or living with your adult children in the family home your children can colour your divorce journey. For example: Guilt – because you won't be able to fund a deposit for your adult child to buy their first home or you may have to return to work earlier than anticipated after the birth of a child  Fear – because you are worried about the impact of selling the family home on teenage children  Anger – as you know your child is upset that they are no longer living with both parents and you can't see your child as much as you would like as your ex is being difficult [related_posts] Managing divorce emotions    Some people manage their grief and divorce emotions by denying they exist and devoting their energy to appearing calm and in control. It can be counterproductive to keep a tight lid on emotions. They can explode into a burst of anger meaning you tell your ex what you really think of their behaviour. That can be unhelpful when trying to co-parent or negotiate a financial settlement. Others manage their grief by talking to family or friends but this can be wearing for friends or family if they are your sole source of support. They may also offer support that isn’t appropriate for you or the sort of help that may exacerbate your issues. Others may try to take over in the guise of helping but it is your financial settlement, not theirs. Keeping divorce emotions in check can be important if you are employed but it isn’t realistic to think that your work won't be affected by what is happening in your personal life. Sometimes letting the HR department know about your separation can help as managers may be more sympathetic if they know you have separated. That’s because employers perceive divorce as a temporary problem resulting in a short-term dip in performance rather than an unexplained and potential long-term issue. Also, some employers offer paid for counselling. Getting some help to manage divorce grief and emotions  A divorce solicitor isn’t a counsellor or therapist but you should not hide how you feel from your lawyer. They need to know this so they can provide the support you need. This could range from suggesting you meet with a specialist counsellor, see your GP or delay starting family mediation until you are ‘in a better place’ to negotiate a financial settlement.  Alternatively, you may need more practical help, such as a recommendation for an empathetic mortgage advisor or financial advisor to fully explore and explain your mortgage or financial options or advice on applying for an injunction order or a child arrangement order if your emotions are down to your ex-partner continuing to harass you or due to their behaviour around the children. Divorce emotions don’t cut off after six weeks or even a year. You may be a sudden rush of emotion when you thought you were over the worst. Telling your solicitor how you feel is important so they don’t mistake your emotional state as being willing to do a deal at a financial dispute resolution hearing when the reality is that you are feeling overwhelmed and unable to make decisions. At Evolve Family Law all our solicitors are empathetic to your situation and are here to listen and help. If you need help with your divorce or separation phone us or complete our online enquiry form.

Although the Child Maintenance Service uses a mathematical formula to calculate child maintenance many parents prefer to negotiate child support and want to know how overnight stays affect child maintenance. In this article, our North West family law solicitors look at how overnight contact affects the amount of child support under the Child Maintenance Service rules. However, child maintenance solicitors who are negotiating child maintenance on behalf of parents don’t have to stick rigidly to the CMS rules as a parent may want to agree to child maintenance payments as part of an overall divorce financial settlement and parenting arrangement. For family law advice call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form. Equal day-to-day care of a child There is no child support liability under Child Maintenance Service rules if there is shared equal parenting. That’s the case even if one parent earns double or triple the amount of the other parent. If the parents are married the court can order spousal maintenance. The court can also award the lower-earning parent more equity in the family home to help them rehouse themselves. The parents can also negotiate and agree that child support will be paid despite the child’s care being shared. If parents are unmarried the court cannot order spousal maintenance. The court also cannot divide the equity in the family home in a way that it thinks is fair in an unmarried parent property dispute. Instead, the court must use property and trust laws when working out how the equity in an unmarried property dispute will be split or the judge can use Schedule 1 of the Children Act to provide a home while the children are dependent. When the court is asked to make a child arrangement order and one parent wants equal care and the other parent is opposed to shared parenting the court makes its decision based on its assessment of what contact arrangements are in the best interests of the child rather than purely on the impact of overnight contact on child support. The impact of overnight contact when care isn’t equally shared Under the Child Maintenance Service rules if a parent has overnight contact their child support liability is reduced as follows: Overnight contact    Reduction in the amount of child support  52 nights per year     1/7th 104 nights per year   2/7ths 156 nights per year   3/7ths 175 nights per year   50% The overnight contact rule throws up some odd consequences. A parent can look after their child all day but they don’t get a reduction in their child support payments unless the child stays overnight with them. The overnight contact is calculated by reference to a year rather than a week or month as a shorter period might give a misleading picture. Parents should keep a record of overnight contact if they are concerned that the annual amount of contact might tip over into the next level of reduction in child support. That way there is some evidence if there is a dispute. If you have more than one child and there are different overnight contact arrangements you need to record both arrangements. The annual overnight contact figure includes holiday contact. That applies whether the parent takes the child away on holiday or stays at home on a staycation. [related_posts] What does child maintenance cover? Child maintenance is meant to cover the cost of caring for a child. That isn’t just the child’s food and school uniform costs but also a share of the cost of housing (mortgage or rent), heating and all the associated household expenses, such as water rates or TV licence. The Child Maintenance Service doesn’t work out a fair division of the cost of caring for a child. Instead, it uses its mathematical formula. Parents paying child support and parents receiving child maintenance often perceive this formula as unfair and very arbitrary. For example, a mother looking after a child as the primary carer has the same monthly mortgage payment whether her ex-husband has overnight contact on 155 or 157 nights per year but his having two extra nights of overnight contact a year could make a big difference to the amount she receives in child support and to her ability to pay her bills. Likewise, a father who only gets to see his children on 103 nights per year as his ex-wife has moved hundreds of miles away still has to pay for a house that’s big enough to comfortably house the children when they come to stay with him. The father will still be liable to pay child support even if he is the lower earner and even though he didn’t agree to his ex-wife’s decision to move away with the children. Although child support is meant to cover all the things children need, child maintenance lawyers are frequently told that a parent objects to paying child maintenance because the money given as child support appears to be being spent on the receiving parent’s clothes and activities and not on the children. There is no requirement for the receiving parent to provide evidence that the child support payment is being spent solely on the child and their living costs. What things affect child maintenance? The amount payable in child maintenance isn’t just affected by the level of overnight contact. If the paying parent decides to make voluntary extra pension payments this reduces their gross income on which the child maintenance calculation is made. That policy seems to prioritise long-term retirement goals over the child support needs of children. Other criticisms of the child support system include the deductions allowed if a paying parent has other children living in their household. The rigid formula approach takes no account of the fact that the parent receiving child support can end up with a sudden reduction in child maintenance because of family decisions made by the paying parent. Negotiating child maintenance Most family lawyers see the child maintenance formula as a useful starting point. If parents want to negotiate child support so the figure is higher or lower, the child maintenance solicitors' focus should be on ensuring that the agreement reached is fair and workable. That involves reality testing your divorce financial settlement so you know that the full financial deal stacks up from the share in the equity in the family home to the split of pensions and of course spousal maintenance and child support. Your agreement then needs to be incorporated into a binding financial court order so you can enforce it if necessary. For family law advice call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form.

It's beyond frustrating when you know your child wants to live with you or spend longer with you but no one is listening. Our North West family law solicitors are asked whether parents can secretly record their children and use the video clip as evidence in court. If you need help with sorting out custody or contact our experts can advise you on a child arrangement order application and represent you. For family law advice call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form. Should I record my child saying they want more contact? If you are separated and your ex-partner is adamant your child says they don’t want to spend more time with you it is tempting to prove your ex wrong. You may want to openly or covertly record your child’s views on their living arrangements. Here are five reasons why it’s not a good idea: Your ex-partner won't believe the recording Your former partner will say you manipulated your child Your child will be told you can't be trusted Your ex-partner may stop the contact you currently have Your ex will bring up the fact that you recorded your child if you make a child arrangement order application Can I secretly record my child and show the recording to the CAFCASS officer? Some parents are tempted to covertly record their children because the referral to CAFCASS seems slow. That’s because, according to CAFCASS statistics, between April 2023 and March 2024 the organisation received 39,661 children’s private law referrals. If you have applied for a child arrangement order and you are getting a bad vibe about what the CAFCASS Section 7 report may say then don’t make the situation worse by secretly recording your child saying that they want to live with you or spend more time with you. If you tell a CAFCASS officer that you have a recording they will want to disclose that to the court and the other parent. The recording may flag up safeguarding concerns. For example, was the child coerced into saying what they said or manipulated? The recording may also raise trust issues. Can you be trusted not to record what the other parent says to you or your meetings with the CAFCASS officer? Can I use a recording of my child as evidence in a child arrangement order application? Let's set the scene. The CAFCASS officer has filed a Section 7 report in your child arrangement order application. The CAFCASS officer says your son does not want extra contact with you. You don’t agree and have recorded your son saying they want to spend every minute of every weekend with you. It’s a cute video. When the CAFCASS officer gives evidence in court you plan to play her your covert recording. It reads like one of those TV court moments. What we can guarantee is: The judge will be unimpressed by your actions and The CAFCASS officer won't say in the witness box that the recommendations in their report are wrong Your actions may mean that you end up with less contact than the judge might otherwise have ordered. When can I use a covert recording of my child in a child arrangement order application? A covert recording can rarely be used in a child arrangement order, specific issue order, prohibited steps order or relocation order application. The reason why CAFCASS officers are asked to prepare a court report on your child’s wishes and feelings is so they can independently find out your child’s views on living arrangements and make recommendations. If you secretly record your child and ask to use the recording as evidence the judge will decide whether to allow you to do so. They make their decision based on previous case law and guidance issued by the Family Justice Council. If I can't use a recording, can I ask the judge to meet my child? It is rare for the judge to meet with a child because: It is thought that going to court is stressful for children The child doesn’t get to decide on the child arrangement order application The CAFCASS officer's job is to relay your child’s wishes to the court If the judge does decide to see an older child, the judge will normally meet them in a private room and not in the courtroom. Neither parent will be present at the meeting although the judge will relay the gist of what the young person said. [related_posts] If I can't use a recording of my child, how can I involve them in sorting out their living arrangements? Understandably parents and older children can get frustrated if they think they are not being listened to. Equally children of any age should not think that if they say what they want to do then that’s what will happen. Their preferred residence or contact plans may not be suitable for either parent or fit in around parental work schedules. There are lots of ways your child can get involved in working out the best post-separation living arrangements: Family discussions Family mediation Being made a party to the court proceedings Family discussions only work if you and your ex-partner can have a civil discussion. If not, it isn’t fair to involve your child in direct discussions. Family mediation can include an older child but the mediator must be qualified in this type of mediation. It can work well if you have a teen - although neither you nor your ex-partner may like what your child has to say. When child arrangement order proceedings are started, either parent can ask the judge to order that the child is joined as a party to the court application. It's rare for the court to agree to this request other than in complicated situations or where the court thinks that neither parent is saying what the child wants. Why should I not video-record what residence and contact arrangements my child wants? Covert video recordings may appear the simple solution when you and your ex can't agree on what your child wants but: Your child’s wishes are not the only factor in deciding living arrangements Court guidelines and caselaw are against it Recordings can be counter-productive You may be found to be manipulative and controlling Before you decide to record your child either openly or covertly speak to a children law solicitor so you understand the implications and what it could mean for you in your battle to get to see more of your son or daughter. For family law advice call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form.

The Family Justice Council has issued new guidance for family courts in England and Wales on alienating behaviour and parental alienation. The new guidance follows an increase in accusations of alienating behaviour to counter allegations of domestic abuse in child arrangement order applications. Our North West family law solicitors can help if you are a separated or divorced parent and unable to agree on the parenting arrangements for your children. We can explain the court process and the non-court-based resolution options and advise you on the impact of allegations of domestic abuse and/or alienating behaviour on custody and contact arrangements. For family law advice call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form. The Family Justice Council guidance on alienating behaviour The 2024 Family Justice Council (FJC) guidance guides courts, family law professionals and parents on: The terminology to use where there are allegations of alienating behaviour The court process How the courts should consider allegations of domestic abuse and alienating behaviour The use of experts where allegations of alienating behaviour are made Listening to children and assessing their welfare needs Key points from the Family Justice Council guidance: There are three key points from the FJC guidance: Domestic abuse should not be equated with parental alienation A child’s reluctance to see a parent does not mean they have been subject to parental alienation without evidence and a court finding of alienating behaviour Findings of alienating behaviour will be rare New terminology from the Family Justice Council guidance on alienating behaviour The guidance suggests the use of the following terminology by courts and family law professionals: Attachment, affinity and alignment (AAA) – why children may not want to spend time with one parent or reject a parent. These reasons are not due to psychological manipulation by a parent or alienating behaviour but just a child’s emotional response to their experience of being parented Appropriate justified rejection (AJR) – where a child not wanting to spend time with one parent is considered an understandable response to the parent’s behaviour. The behaviour could be directed to the child or other parent. For example, if the child has witnessed domestic abuse towards one parent Alienating Behaviours (AB) – psychologically manipulative behaviours (whether intentional or not) by a parent towards a child that results in the child’s reluctance, resistance or refusal to spend time with the parent Protective Behaviours (PB) – behaviour by a parent to protect the child from exposure to abuse by the other parent, or from suffering harm or additional harm because of the other parent’s abuse. For example, if a parent has unresolved anger management or addiction issues that affect their parenting Reluctance, resistance or refusal (RRR) – behaviours by a child over contact and their relationship with a parent and the reasons for the reluctance, resistance or refusal to see one parent may be due to a variety of potential causes [related_posts] Making allegations of alienating behaviour in child arrangement order proceedings The new FJC guidance does not stop allegations of alienating behaviour being made by a parent unable to see their child or where they only have limited contact. However, the guidance does try to stop the practice of an allegation of alienating behaviour being made in child arrangement order applications where an accusation of domestic abuse has been made as an almost automatic counter to the initial allegation. If a parent has engaged in alienating behaviour the person alleging the alienating behaviour needs to show that: The child is reluctant, resisting or refusing to engage in a relationship with you The child’s reluctance, resistance or refusal is related to the other parent's actions. If the child doesn’t want to see you for different reasons, then this is either called ‘’appropriate justified rejection’’ (AJR) or down to ‘’alignment, affinity or attachment’’ (AAA) The other parent has engaged in behaviours that have directly or indirectly impacted on the child, leading to the child’s reluctance, resistance or refusal to engage in a relationship with you If you think your child has been encouraged to reject you and to refuse contact with you it is important to say this at the outset of your child arrangement order application. This means the court can: Consider which type of family court judge should decide your child arrangement order application The type of involvement and report needed from CAFCASS If there is a need for a separate finding of fact hearing and other case management issues The need for expert evidence The later you raise these allegations in the court process the harder you may find it to get the court to conclude that it is necessary and proportionate to fully investigate your concerns. Responding to allegations of alienating behaviour in child arrangement order applications If you are a parent accused of alienating behaviour it’s important to talk to a specialist family law solicitor who can explain the court process, your non-court resolution options and the best strategy to deal with the accusations of alienating behaviour. This strategy will depend on whether you are the parent of a stroppy teenager who doesn’t want to spend much time with either parent or a clingy two-year-old who likes their routine and home comforts or a football/ballet-mad eight-year-old who doesn’t want to miss out on matches or performances. Whatever your family circumstances or child’s age our children lawyers can help you if you are a separated or divorced parent unable to agree on the parenting arrangements for your children and in a dispute over the reasons why a child does not want to spend time with one parent. For family law advice call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form.

When you are a separated parent you need to know how much you will be receiving or paying in child support. Otherwise, how do you know if you can afford your mortgage or rent payments or if you can book to take your child on holiday? Whether you think the child maintenance payments are too high or too low there is some benefit in knowing there is a fixed amount payable. However, our Northwest family law solicitors are asked about when child maintenance can be recalculated and varied. For expert family law advice call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form. Can child maintenance be varied? Child maintenance can be varied. How and when you go about doing so depends on how the payments are made. The payments could be through: Voluntary payments – called a family based agreement Child Maintenance Service with the Service either just carrying out the assessment or assessing the figure and sorting out the payments Family court order Who can ask for child maintenance to be changed? The person paying the child support or the parent receiving it can ask for the level of child maintenance to be changed. For example, the parent paying child support is entitled to ask for child maintenance to be reviewed if: Parenting arrangements change. For example, if the child moves to live with them, the arrangements are changed to shared parenting or if there is an increase in overnight contact visits Income changes. For example, they lose their job, overtime payments or other sources of income Personal or financial circumstances change such as moving in with a partner who has children, having another child, separating from a partner and being assessed as liable to pay child support for other children, increasing pension contributions Sometimes the parent paying child maintenance thinks a review of child support is justified when under the child maintenance rules it isn’t. For example, if the parent who receives the child support: Starts a new relationship and their partner moves in so the parent is getting help with their bills Has a change of financial circumstances such as getting a promotion at work, a better paid job or inherits money Stops child contact without good reason but expects child support to still be paid Uses the child maintenance money in a way that the payer is unhappy about. For example, the parent looking after the children going off on annual holidays without the children or appears to spend the child support on their own clothes and hobbies rather than on the children [related_posts] Can a parent request a review of child support? A paying parent or a parent receiving child support can always ask for a review of child support where the child maintenance is being paid voluntarily. Child support will not normally go up by inflation unless that is how you agree to increases in child support. If you have been using the Child Maintenance Service formula to calculate the maintenance payable for your child it is usual to review the amount based on any changes to the paying parent’s gross income and any other relevant changes, such as the frequency of overnight contact. Will the Child Maintenance Service carry out a child support review? The Child Maintenance Service will carry out an annual review of an earlier child support assessment to see if the child maintenance figure should go up or down. A request can be made for an earlier review but the Child Maintenance Service will normally only undertake the review if there has been a change of 25% or more in the paying parent’s gross income or other limited situations. Will the court vary the amount of child support payable? The court can only make a child support order for a biological child in limited circumstances. If the child support is for a stepchild the Child Maintenance Service does not have jurisdiction and a court order can be made and varied. In most cases, where the court order is for child maintenance for a biological child, once the court order is over 12 months old you cannot apply back to the court to vary or enforce it. What happens if I need more financial support? If you need more child support than the child maintenance calculation provided by the Child Maintenance Service (or after you have carried out your own online calculation) then provided you were married or in a civil partnership with the child’s biological parent you can ask for spousal maintenance in addition to the child support. You won't be able to ask for spousal maintenance if: You were not married or in a civil partnership with the child’s other parent You agreed to a clean break financial court order as part of your divorce financial settlement You have remarried What happens if I can't afford child maintenance? If you can't afford to pay child support you can negotiate a reduction if you are paying voluntarily or you can ask the Child Maintenance Service to conduct a review based on a change in your circumstances. If your gross income has not changed but your outgoings have increased this will not change the amount payable by you in child maintenance other than in limited circumstances. For example, if your mortgage payments have gone up your child support payments stay the same unless there has been a change in your gross income. Legal advice and child support Asking for a review of the amount of child support can make the relationship between separated or divorced parents more difficult. However, the amount paid in child support must be kept under review as the figure will need to go up or down as income levels change. Our family law solicitors can help you negotiate child support as part of your divorce financial settlement or we can help you review the amount of child maintenance payable when financial or contact arrangements change. For friendly expert family law advice call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form.

Do you need help with your divorce or in sorting out a financial settlement or child residence and contact arrangements for your children? In an ideal world, you would reach an agreement with your ex but that may not be possible if they are being unreasonable. Our family law solicitors offer some tips on how to handle an unreasonable ex in a divorce. For expert advice call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form.  Divorce proceedings and unreasonable behaviour  You used to have to say that an ex had behaved unreasonably to help you secure a divorce. That is no longer necessary as the government has introduced no-fault divorce proceedings so all you now need to say is that your marriage has broken down irretrievably without needing to explain why.  Although you no longer need to prove unreasonable behaviour to get a divorce the issue of an ex behaving unreasonably is still highly relevant. [related_posts] Is your ex behaving unreasonably? It is worth asking yourself if your ex is behaving unreasonably as sometimes you can lose perspective. That may be because you have been subject to so much emotional abuse during your relationship that you think that your ex’s behaviour is normal rather than coercive and controlling. Alternatively, you may want to stay in the family home and can't see your ex’s point of view that if you don’t sell the property and split the equity, they won't be able to afford anywhere to live or their argument that it would therefore be reasonable for you to downsize. A family law solicitor can help you look at whether your ex’s behaviour is acceptable or not. If your ex has a reasonable case to put forward then there should be some prospect of your being able to reach a parenting agreement or financial settlement through solicitor negotiation or family mediation. Saying what behaviour is unreasonable or not is always difficult as so much depends on context. A spouse leaving the family home and disappearing without explanation and not sorting out child contact seems unreasonable but may be wholly justified if the spouse is fleeing domestic violence and needs to get themselves and the children to a place of safety and secure an injunction order before they can even consider if contact can be managed safely. Examples of unreasonable behaviour by an ex Our family law solicitors come across many examples of unreasonable behaviour when assisting with divorce, children law or financial settlement negotiations or proceedings, such as: Complete refusal to provide financial disclosure so your only option is to start financial proceedings and get orders for financial disclosure because you can't reach a fair financial settlement unless you know the extent of your ex’s assets and income An ex-partner transferring assets to their parents or siblings to try and keep the assets out of the financial settlement  Refusing to agree to any contact with the children without any good grounds to stop or restrict contact and when the children are keen to see you with your ex knowing that it will take you a while to get a child arrangement order  Refusing to return the acknowledgement form in no-fault divorce proceedings – you can still get divorced but it takes a bit longer After the court has made an order for the sale of the family home refusing to agree to viewings or being unwilling to listen to advice from the estate agent about the sale price. You can still get the family home sold but you may need to apply back to court for another order to implement the sale and to ask the court to order that your ex pays the extra costs associated with that hearing Tips on dealing with an unreasonable ex during your divorce The first advice on dealing with an unreasonable ex is to privately acknowledge to yourself that your ex’s unreasonable behaviour just confirms that separation and divorce are the right options for you.  Our other tips are: Take advice and don’t accept unreasonable behaviour by your ex as ‘just your ex’ and how they behave Get your family law solicitor to write to your ex and explain the consequences of their behaviour. For example, transferring assets to third parties will result in a freezing injunction order application and you asking the court to order that your ex pays the costs of the injunction application and make adverse inferences in the financial settlement proceedings about his actions and financial nondisclosure   Make sure you get the support you need. That could be from family, friends or a counsellor   Take a long-term view on dealing with your ex as their game plan may be to behave so badly that you are deterred from applying for a child arrangement order as you think it will be pointless or to make you think that you may as well accept the financial settlement they are offering as the ex is being so difficult about financial disclosure  Think about your children- if you cannot battle on for yourself then we recommend that you do so for your children as they will be the ones affected by the parenting arrangements or by an unfair financial settlement that means you can't support them in the way you should have been able to do so    At some point, you will either need to reach an agreement or secure a court order but your ex’s unreasonable behaviour should not dictate the agreement or orders made. For expert advice call our team of specialist divorce lawyers or complete our online enquiry form. 

In the run-up to school holidays, there are grandparents across Northwest England who either have no contact with their grandchildren or the occasional brief meeting. As specialist family law solicitors we understand how distressing it is for them when other grandparents excitedly talk about their family holiday plans or mention the exhaustion of looking after little ones when they are in their 60s or 70s. If you are a grandparent who either isn’t seeing your grandchildren or not seeing them as much as you would like then you can apply to court for a grandparent contact order. For expert advice call our team of specialist children lawyers or complete our online enquiry form.  Does a grandparent need a family law solicitor? If you are not seeing your grandchildren as much as you would like then it sounds as if you do need help from a family law solicitor.  A family lawyer will not rush you off to court without a backward glance. At Evolve Family Law we will carefully consider: How much contact time you are getting with your grandchild Whether you are likely to improve on that amount through a solicitor-based negotiation or family mediation or applying to the family court for a child arrangement order  The impact of raising contact on family dynamics  The reasons for a parent's objections to grandparent contact or the reason for the opposition to increasing the amount of time you spend with your grandchildren  What your grandchildren want assuming they are old enough to have a say After looking at the advantages and disadvantages of non-court-based dispute resolution or making an application to the court to get an order you will be in a lot better position to decide on the right approach for you.  [related_posts] Cut off from your grandchildren If you have been cut off from your grandchildren you may not feel that you have a lot to lose by making a court application. That may be true but the Family Procedure Rules now require you to try to sort things out between yourselves before you ask the court to make an order in your favour.  That may feel like a waste of time if your child, son-in-law or daughter-in-law is entrenched in their views and won't listen to common sense or pleas from you. If you apply to the court before trying family mediation or before asking your family law solicitor to negotiate then the family court judge can adjourn your application for mediation or for discussions to take place. That’s why it is best to speak to a children lawyer to discuss non-court-based options as they can suggest a way forward that suits your situation. For example, family arbitration may be your preferred option once you have enough information about all the alternatives. Applying for a grandparent contact order A family law solicitor will tell you that there is no such thing as a grandparent contact order in English law. When parents and extended family cannot agree on who a child should live with and parental and extended family contact then parents and extended family can apply to the family court for a child arrangement order. A parent has a legal right to apply for a child arrangement order. A grandparent must first apply for permission to apply for a child arrangement order. That step is not as difficult as it sounds and should not deter you from making a court application. When deciding on a leave application by a grandparent the court will look at:        The connection to the child  The nature of the application for contact Whether the application might harm the child’s well-being Once you have permission to apply for your child arrangement order the court process is the same as a parent applying to the court for a child arrangement order. The court will assess if a child arrangement order and contact is in your grandchild’s best interests after considering a range of factors. Will I get a grandparent contact order? A family law solicitor will need to know the reasons why your child or son-in-law or daughter-in-law is refusing you contact with your grandchild. Generally, the family court thinks it is in a child’s best interests to have contact with their extended family, including maternal and paternal grandparents.  The parent of a child may no longer be in contact with their child after their separation or divorce. Maybe they are living a long distance away or working overseas or the parent with care may not have wanted contact because they have remarried. None of these are reasons to stop a grandparent from having a relationship with their grandchild. Alternatively, a parent may say that it would be emotionally abusive for a grandparent to see a grandchild because of the extent of a family rift and because the child would be exposed to the grandparent’s negative views about the parents during contact. Family dynamics can be very complicated but they can be successfully explored to help you obtain an order to enable you to see your grandchild even if you are not fully able to rebuild the relationship between your child or son or daughter-in-law. The family law solicitors at Evolve Family Law can help you resume contact with your grandchild or extend the amount of time you can see them. Our lawyers provide specialist and sensitive advice as we understand that your priority is to spend time with your grandchildren so our focus is on that rather than criticising the child’s parents or others for past wrongs. For expert advice call our team of specialist children lawyers or complete our online enquiry form. 

Parental alienation is one of those topics that parents feel embarrassed to talk about. If you are being prevented from seeing your child after a separation or divorce you may be worried that family, friends and colleagues will judge you assuming you must be the one at fault if you cannot get to see your child. At Evolve Family Law our solicitors are experts in child arrangement order applications involving allegations of alienating behaviour. If you are being stopped from seeing your child our family law solicitors can help you sort out post-separation parenting arrangements for your child or enforce a child arrangement order if your ex-partner still will not let you see your child. For expert family law advice call our team or complete our online enquiry form. Are you to blame for parental alienation? Lots of people assume that if parental alienation has taken place the parent who is not having contact with their child must have done something ‘’bad’’. However, the definition of parental alienation is one parent turning the mind of a child against the other parent and the child’s negative view of the parent is not justified by any parental behaviour. Instead, the child is being alienated from one parent by the other parent’s deliberate or unintentional psychological manipulation of the child. How to deal with parental alienation Sometimes it is obvious to everyone involved with a child, from family to schoolteachers and health professionals, that parental alienation is taking place. In other families, the process is more subtle but just as insidious. For parents who fear parental alienation is taking place there are some tips on how to deal with parental alienation and maintain a relationship with your child. We recommend that you:  Take legal advice quickly If you think, your ex-partner or former husband or wife is talking inappropriately about you in front of your child it is important to act quickly.  If you wait then the situation may get to the stage that the child is so alienated that they say that they do not want to have contact with you. If you are not able to speak to your former partner directly then you could try speaking to a family member or you could suggest a referral to family mediation or family counselling. If those options do not solve the difficulties, do not delay in taking legal advice and looking at the option of applying for a child arrangements order. If you delay in acting then if the parental alienation behaviour continues it will become harder to resolve the situation and repair the psychological damage experienced by your child. Do not blame the child It is normal to think ‘’my daughter is behaving just like her mother’’ or to say ‘’the apple does not fall far from the tree’’. When a child is playing up or refusing to speak to or see you, it is easy to transfer your frustration with the situation onto the child. After all, why can’t your child stand up for themselves and demand more contact with you or why can’t they at least look cheerful when they do see you? As frustrating as it is, blaming a child or showing your exasperation with the situation is likely to make the situation worse. Do not blame the parent When you get frustrated about parental alienation, it is easy to think that the solution is to tell your side of the story. In the process, you are likely to denigrate the other parent. Taking that approach is likely to make your child more insecure and anxious, and less inclined to have contact. Do not walk away The statistics of how many parents lose contact with their children after a separation or divorce are appalling. Many of those cases do not involve parental alienation but it is sometimes easy to think that your child would be ‘’better off’’ without you. Most children law professionals believe that a child needs and deserves a loving relationship with both parents, even if that has to be achieved through the making of a child arrangements order. Find time for other things in your life If you experience parental alienation, it is easy to obsess over your ex-partner and their behaviour. By doing that you can play into their hands. It is important that you find time to enjoy other aspects of your life during any children court proceedings. [related_posts] What will the court do if it thinks that alienating behaviour is taking place? If you make an application for a child arrangement order the court will carefully consider whether contact is in your child’s best interests. If a child is saying that they do not want contact because of parental alienation, the court can take some proactive steps to try to help you rebuild a relationship with your child. In extreme situations, where a judge finds that the alienating behaviour has caused emotional harm and that the primary carer does not understand the damage created by their actions, the judge can make an order to change the primary carer of the child. How can Evolve Family Law help you? Evolve Family Law is a specialist family law firm with offices in Cheshire and Whitefield, Manchester. Whatever your children or family law concern, Louise Halford and the children law team at Evolve Family Law solicitors will work with you to help you reach a solution. For expert family law advice call our team or complete our online enquiry form.